Dealing with Jealousy in Relationships

We all know that jealousy is a negative force that is never a good thing. It can ruin your relationship especially when unfounded claims of infidelity are made towards your lover. Dealing with jealousy in relationships is difficult but you must deal with it if you are to have a successful and fulfilling relationship.

Jealousy in relationships is always born of insecurity and this can be caused by you being let down all the time when you were young. This is the hardest to correct. Because it is ingrained and you lack the ability to trust anyone so you assume at some point this great relationship you have will turn sour and your partner will let you down. It’s very hard for you to conquer this when all the evidence through your life has made you think that nobody can be trusted. You lack faith in the human race and who can blame you if you have been miss-treated so badly for so long?

The other type of insecurity causing jealousy in a relationship is the behaviour of your partner. Sometimes people struggle to give themselves totally to their lover and hold a certain amount back emotionally. This comes across as being either secretive or indifferent or both, making for what we call a semi-committed relationship. When one partner is semi-committed and the other totally committed it generally makes for a bumpy ride. Relationships are hard to sustain sometimes and you both need to be totally committed for it to work on a level that will make both of you happy. The fact that your lover is semi-committed doesn’t mean they will be unfaithful but it does unease us as partners if we aren’t getting back what we give.

The answer as with most things in relationships is communication and the way we interact with one another. Tact is the key within the communication. You cannot accuse anyone of anything unless you have concrete evidence as this is always very damaging when you get it wrong. The percentage of divorces in the USA caused by infidelity is 41% which means 59% of divorces had nothing to do with infidelity or being disloyal, just people that are not compatible, too young or probably a lack of communication somewhere down the line.

So infidelity isn’t as wide spread as you may think... so why let jealousy in a relationship ruin your relationship? You must learn to trust and give your lover the benefit of the doubt until they do something outrageously obvious and disloyal. History shows us that when people have an affair the person they have an affair with will generally want more of that person and invariably ends up confronting  their lover’s wife or husband trying to initiate a split or divorce . Now that’s what you call real evidence, if your partner is having an affair you will find out eventually.

In dealing with jealousy the art is not to look for betrayal as this will just drive you crazy worrying about something that may or may not happen. Don’t convict your partner of a crime they haven’t even thought of committing. You have heard the expression “give a man enough rope” this is the best strategy for a healthy relationship. Enjoy your relationship and communicate your feelings without accusing and make it damn difficult for your partner to want anyone else. Always make them feel special, more special than anyone else can. We love people for the way they make us feel and if someone starts to make us feel like we have to justify our every move and remark, we will eventually want away.

Unless you have overwhelming evidence that your partner is being unfaithful, trust, love and cherish them as best you can. Don’t spend your life worrying about things you cannot change or control, life is too short. Enjoy the ride and if it crashes, be strong, brush yourself off and get right back on again.

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