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Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Overcoming Jealousy and Dealing with Jealousy in a Relationship

Overcoming jealousy and dealing with jealousy in a relationship is a lot easier when you understand why it’s happening. In this article I will attempt to explain why it’s happening and how to deal with it.

First of all… you should know that jealousy is a normal emotion. Even Freud states that a person would be abnormal if they didn’t experience jealousy at some stage in their life. Freud compares it to bereavement in as much as it would be abnormal for someone to not grieve when someone they care about dies. Jealousy is the same in as much as it would be a bit strange if you didn’t care whether the person you loved shared intimacy with you or someone else.

Now I know what you are going to say… people in open relationships share each other momentarily with other sexual partners. This is done with consent and of course is not the norm. Swingers as we call them in the UK make up only a fraction of the population and they see the sex they have with others as just that… sex. Not intimacy or love. When we are jealous it’s because we are afraid of losing the love of a person, because we want to be the centre of their world and when it appears that we are not, we feel insecure and this leads to jealousy.

The levels of jealousy will ultimately depend on how insecure you are and this is, according to Freud governed by your childhood. If you were constantly let down as a child… subconsciously you will assume that it is going to happen all the time as an adult. If on the other hand you had a stable and loving childhood where nothing nasty happened and your parents always did as they promised… your subconscious will assume most people can be trusted.

Overcoming jealousy is about overcoming your own insecurities and controlling the demons your childhood created in your subconscious. The easy way to deal with the green eyed monster is to not care at all. Some people can do this and it shows in their relationships. They prefer not to give too much of themselves in case they get hurt. This causes a lot of relationships to collapse over time. Men are particularly good at this and can get away with it because of the macho stance that is almost expected by society.

It is a lot harder for women to take this stance as women are more caring by nature. This is evolution and dates back to early mankind as the woman had to care and protect the young sometimes from the men. Women are of course more affectionate, even to one another than men are. Women have no problem cuddling their mates but men have to be at a sports event or drunk to do the same… although this is changing in the 21st century.

Take a step back when feeling jealous and analyse whether you are being reasonable. Your partner just talking to someone who is attractive is not a reason to be jealous. So many people who are insecure react on very little evidence. Unless you have concrete evidence of an affair… put all jealous thoughts out of your mind. Don’t check emails, don’t check texts or your partners smart phone, this will not help you. You could miss understand a text or email and cause a massive problem in your relationship when there was a perfectly logical explanation.

As you go through life you will have to deal with many trials and tribulations. The average person has three major relationships in their lives and we never quite know what life has in store for us. Don’t try and control it… because you can’t… so enjoy the time you have together and don’t be melodramatic or let your insecurities spoil your life. Concentrate on making the one you love happier than anyone else could ever do and you will have a long and happy relationship.

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How to Make Your Ex Want You Back After a Breakup

It's a fact of life: We fall in love, but we also have our hearts broken. Perhaps you have had a special relationship that has come to an end. Or has it? Don't worry, wanting your ex back, to try again, is absolutely normal. Sometimes these feelings come right away, other times they may take longer to surface after the breakup. If want to know, "how to make your ex want you back", you are not alone. But wondering isn't going to get you back together. Instead, you need to take action to make it happen. What follows are a few tips to help you do just that.

Before you can start down the road to getting back together, before you can answer the question of "how to make your ex want you back", you need to take a look at what led to your splitting up. You can only fix something if it's broken, but you can also only fix it if you know where it's broken. Understanding what made you break up will help to prevent you from making the same mistakes if you happen to get back together.

Next, you need to decide if you really want your ex back as much as you think you do. Of course, your initial reaction may be that definitely want them back. However, dig deep and be honest with yourself. Do you want to get back together because they are gone, because you feel that you can't have them? Or, maybe you saw your ex with somebody else and now your jealousy is getting the better of you. Those aren't very good reasons, and will only lead to another break up. In short, be sure you want your ex back for the right reasons.

One thing that helps is to get back to what made you fall in love with each other the first time. Rediscovering those qualities in your ex and in yourself will go a long way towards making up. Do your best to highlight those things within yourself, and to focus on them in your former partner. After all, they say "love conquers all" for a reason.

Before you jump right back into things, it's better to meet under platonic circumstances. You can still have fun, but make sure it's as just friends and with no strings attached. You also need to make sure that your first meetings are in a non-threatening environment and on neutral ground. You don't want your ex to feel as though they are being pressured or manipulated during the meeting.

How to make your ex want you back after a break up… It all comes down to looking at the relationship that was, the one you want to have and actually meeting up with your ex. Do whatever you can to keep things positive. That way your ex will associate you with the good feelings they're experiencing. Over time, things will take their course. Do it right and that course will lead to getting back together.

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Monday, 16 May 2011

Signs of A Cheating Boyfriend - 5 Things To Look For

The idea of a perfect relationship is both flawed and rare. Few relationships are perfect, with both parties of the relationship slipping up or causing problems. There are certain boyfriends in relationships that will cheat on their girlfriends. While some of these boyfriends are obvious about their cheating ways, others have managed to hide what they have done. It is important for a girlfriend to understand the signs of a cheating boyfriend, as it can help them to feel comfortable and secure in their relationship.

Extensive Stories

One of the main things to look for in a cheating boyfriend is the lie. Your boyfriend is going to lie about different situations, as he does not want you to catch on to what he is doing. Those who are cheating are going to create long, intricate stories. These stories are created in hopes of seeming legitimate; the more details to a story, the more likely it is to be real. If your boyfriend is usually short, but starts to tell long and intricate stories, take note.

Obvious Lies

Some men are better at lying than others. While some will be able to hide their lies, others will be completely obvious, making it simple and easy for you to spot this sign of cheating. If your boyfriend is obvious with his lies, call him on them; he may admit to what he has been doing on the spot.

Awkward Smells

Was your boyfriend supposed to be at a smoke-free restaurant, but comes back with a smoke-tainted jacket? Was he supposed to be out with the guys, but comes in smelling like female perfume? If you note awkward smells, your boyfriend may be cheating on you.

Changed Attitudes

Cheaters will often change their attitudes on things. They are dealing with the stress of an affair, and their mindset may change. If your boyfriend starts to act differently toward you, take note. While it's not proof positive that he is cheating; it may be an indication.

Changed Behaviours

Cheaters are also likely to change their behaviours. If your boyfriend starts going to places at new or awkward times, take note. If your boyfriend does not act sexually attracted to you anymore, take note. Again, while this may not mean he is cheating on you, it can be an indicator of cheating or other relationship issues.

It is incredibly important for girlfriends to understand that they cannot simply accuse their boyfriend of cheating on them. You need to have hard evidence before you actually accuse your boyfriend of being unfaithful. These signs of a cheating boyfriend will simply help women to understand whether or not they even need to worry about their boyfriend cheating on them. If you notice any of these different signs, you should simply be more alert as to the actions of your boyfriend.

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