Why Is My Husband Acting the Way He Is

Relationships that are serious and last for a long time are often hard to understand and cope with. Each person has to invest the time needed to deal with the problems, get a firm grasp of what's going on and then come up with ways they can potentially fix those issues. The real key to a successful marriage is that both parties have to strive to completely understand one another.

Note: the following is written from a female viewpoint, but applies to both sexes.

An all too common question that women ask is "why is my husband acting the way he is?" Now, if you are asking this, it doesn't mean you are stupid or confused, what it really means is that there is a gap in understanding each other. That's actually a good thing because it means all you need to do to get your answer is to understand what's going on. With that in mind, here are some questions to help you figure it all out.

Is it you? This is the first thing you should consider. What often happens is that we change, but because of that change we think others around us are the ones who are changing. But the reality is that due to something within us, we start to perceive things differently. So, if you all of a sudden find that your husband doesn't seem to have the same sense of humour, it may not be him at all. Maybe, just maybe, you aren't responding to his sense of humour in the same way.

Has he been under additional stress lately? Most men like to act tough. However, this very toughness can really take its toll when men are under stress. This is because they have to be tough, and have been conditioned to not show that it's getting to them. Maybe work is the cause of his stress, but he can't let on to that in front of his co-workers, so he expresses it by being crankier when he's with you. (This doesn't excuse his acting like a jerk, but it may explain it)

Have you asked him? And if so, how did you ask? Sometimes all it takes is for you to ask him what's wrong. As mentioned, guys often have a hard time expressing their feelings and may just be waiting for you ask them what's wrong. They will open up, but you have to be careful that you ask in a way that isn't accusatory, and doesn't imply they are weak in any way. Be sure you listen as he starts to tell you, and don't do anything that will make him stop. You may only get one chance, so do your best to help him express himself.

So, the next time you find that you are asking yourself, "Why is my husband acting the way he is" you will have a better idea of how to get an accurate answer. That's a good thing because the better the two of you understand each other, the happier your marriage will be.

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Is Your Boyfriend Having an Emotional Affair?

Is your boyfriend having an emotional affair, or are you just worried that he is? In some ways emotional affairs may even be worse than the physical kind, though no one wants to have to deal with the aftermath of either. No one wants to think that their boyfriend can actually be in love with someone else, at least if it was just physical you could console yourself with the idea that "didn't mean anything" but you have no such solace with an emotional affair.

It's often said that a man rarely leaves his wife for the other woman, but when love is involved the odds of him leaving to be with the woman he loves are a lot higher. That is part of the reason an emotional affair can be so damaging to a relationship and it is not something to be taken lightly.

It can be quite easy for anyone to get caught up in an attraction especially if they are spending a lot of time with someone, say a co-worker.  When two people who have a lot in common are thrown together day in and day out (not to mention over night business trips and the occasional weekend retreat) it's no wonder that an emotional romance can happen.

Once that attraction and affection grows, it's often not long until the relationship turns physical and they act on the feelings they are having for each other. It's not uncommon for the people involved in the relationship to be in a state of denial, they don't even know that they are having feelings for someone other than their partner or that what they are doing really is cheating.

Here are some signs that your boyfriend is becoming too involved with a co-worker:

1. If your boyfriend suddenly starts taking more time with his appearance before heading off to work. Or, he starts working out. Of course, you don't want to jump to any conclusions he might just have finally gotten fed up with his spare tire, but it is certainly something to keep an eye on.

2. If he seems to be working a lot of extra time, going to more after work meetings and gatherings. This is really something to worry about if he used to take you to afterhours office functions but now he tells you that you would "just be bored" and he'll go alone.

3. If he suddenly starts acting differently; things like leaving the room to take a call, or closing the door when he is on his computer. These are definite signs that he is doing something he doesn't want you to know about. Further discussion between the two of you is in order.

4. This is probably the biggest sign that whatever is going on is emotional and not physical and that he may not even realize it: he talks about a certain person, female, from work a lot. If your boyfriend suddenly starts a lot of sentences with "So and So said this" or "So and so did that" you might have a problem brewing.

Is your boyfriend having an emotional affair? If you're not sure, there are some things to look for.  Hopefully nothing is wrong but if it is, there is nothing to be gained by ignoring it.

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How to Spot the Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair

If you are worried about your partner and fear that you see some warning signs of an emotional affair than there are a few things that you can be on the lookout for. Just remember that it's very easy to let your imagination run away with you. You have to be careful to not see things that aren't really there.

Many of the tips I'm about to give you can be signs of an affair but they can also be innocent and may not mean a thing. Just don't risk making things worse by assuming something that may not be the case. If something seems wrong don't accuse your partner, instead open a dialog with them and ask them about your concerns.

In some ways emotional affairs can be the most damaging. It may actually be a little easier to forgive a physical indiscretion since it didn't mean anything anyway, but an emotional connection with another person is particularly upsetting and hard to get over.

Here are a few possible indicators that something is going on:

1. Your partner suddenly starts working out or has a sudden interest in wearing new and nicer clothes. Again, this might be totally innocent but if it seems like it is coming out of the blue than it may be a sign of trouble.

2. If your partner seems to be spending a lot more time at work than normal. A lot of sudden overtime may be a sign that something is going on. Keep your eyes open and don't accuse, but it can't hurt to talk.

3. If your partner suddenly starts talking about a co worker a lot. If all of a sudden you are hearing your partner talk about the same person and there is a lot of affection in their tone, it may be a sign of an emotional affair. Sometimes an emotional affair can sneak up on people. Even if your partner is starting to have feelings for someone, they may not realize just what is going on yet; all the more reason to not jump down their throats.

4. If your partner is suddenly very private about their phone conversations and computer habits, it is a strong indicator that they are doing something they don't want you to know about. You need to find out what that "something" is (or who it is).

It's all too easy to slowly have an attraction grow between two people who spend a lot of time together and have a lot in common. That's why work place affairs happen so often. But before you run off and accuse your partner of something that you think they have done, you had better be sure or you can really make a mess of your relationship.

Looking for warning signs emotional affair? If you are at that point it's very likely that something has happened to make you suspicious. You know the saying "where there's smoke there's fire" so assuming that you aren't just overly paranoid and jealous, by the time you start to get suspicious it's likely that there is something happening.

But before you run off and accuse your partner of something that you think they have done, you had better be sure or you can really make a mess of your relationship.

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How to Catch A Cheating Partner - 4 Tips and A Little More

First of all, let me say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you are even reading this article and that you suspect that your partner may be cheating on you. For your sake, I hope you're wrong. But, if you need to find out how to catch a cheating partner, than I have some information that may be helpful to you.

In some ways, it can be almost a relief once you know, but, that's when the pain will really start. If you have a good support system with a lot of friends and family it will make the process a little easier. Just remember that having a counsellor to help you recover from your hurt and pain might be a great idea too.

It's important that you don't let paranoia get the better of you. All of these things can be a sign of an affair but they can also be totally innocent. Just start with these tips but do not jump to conclusions. Find the facts first.

Here are a few things that you can do that will help you find out whether or not your partner is cheating:

1. First of all, it may be cliché, but one of the most common warning signs is a change in habits and patterns. If your partner suddenly starts spending a lot of extra time at work, that may be a sign.

2. Is your partner suddenly secretive? Do they leave the room to talk on their phone; do they spend time at the computer with the door shut? This is particularly telling if the habits are different. If they've always talked on the phone in the same room or worked on their computer with the door open and suddenly they start being more secretive, you may need to delve a little deeper to find out what is going on, if anything.

3. If you're ok with it, you can check their cell phone. You can look at the text messages they've sent and the phone numbers they've been getting calls from. If you see something that looks out of place you may need to find out a little more information.

4. Is your partner suddenly taking more care with their appearance? Sometimes a gym membership and taking more time with their appearance is just because they want to look and feel better, but in a lot of cases it is a sign that they are trying to impress someone else.

The first thing you should do is to stop and think what you are going to do if you find your partner is cheating. Do you have a plan for dealing with the situation? Of course, it's impossible to know exactly what you will do in such a difficult situation, but having an idea of whether or not you would be willing to work on the relationship or not can be helpful.  These are things that you may want to think about.

These tips can help you find ways to learn how to catch a cheating partner. I hope for your sake that you're wrong, but not knowing can be almost as hard as knowing the truth.

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Marriage After Cheating - How to Rebuild Your Marriage

Have you ever wondered if there is any chance of a marriage after cheating? Well the answer to that question will depend on the two people in the marriage.  If both of you are not able to, and willing to, forgive and forget than it is unlikely to work out.

Trust is extremely difficult to rebuild. Whenever you enter into a marriage with someone, you start with a blank slate. The other person still needs to learn to trust you but if you don't already have any negative baggage it's usually easier.

But, after they let their guard down, let you into their life and trusted you, it is going to be extremely hard to open themselves up to pain after you have shown them that their trust was misplaced.

Even though it will be difficult, that does not mean you should give up. Actually, the last thing you should do is to give up. You need to do everything you can if you want your spouse to love and trust you again.

With time, love and patience anything can be rebuilt, but again, it will be imperative that you are both willing to work on it.

Sometimes the best thing to do in this situation is to give your ex some time and space. While you do that you should be spending time figuring out why you did something so self destructive as to cheat on someone you love.

Please don't make the mistake of thinking that infidelity is about sex, it's not. It's about ego, loneliness or insecurity. You need to address what your issues are that you thought would be cured by hooking up with someone else.

Before you can go back to your ex and expect them to take you back, you have to make sure that you know why you cheated before so you don't do it again.

This knowledge will likely take you quite a bit of time to figure out. It will most likely also be painful for you to look at your less than desirable characteristics. But, that is the best chance you have of convincing your ex that they should take you back and that they can trust you.

To complete this step and to figure out what your issues are that you "thought" would get solved by cheating; you might need the help of a therapist. It is not easy to identify your own baggage most of the time. You will most likely need help and having a therapist gently point out things that you need to change about yourself. It may not be fun but it will help you become a better person, if you let it.

When love is present pretty much anything is possible, even having a marriage after cheating. Whether or not you are successful at keeping your marriage and earning your spouse’s trust again, will take a lot of work and total commitment and honesty. If you don't think you can commit totally its best if you just let things go.

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Catch My Husband Cheating - Commonsense Must Prevail

Are you asking the question: "How can I catch my husband cheating?" if so, then I'm sorry. Assuming you're just not paranoid and looking for something that isn't there, the fact that you are suspicious likely means that there is something going on. If you really have to know there are many simple things that you can do to find out once and for all.

If you really want to find out quickly you can even hire a private detective. Many people would consider this extreme, and expensive, but you can get the proof you need. One huge advantage of going this route is that you will be notified if there is no sign of an affair too.

With many of the other ways you may try to find out if your husband is cheating, you will never really have proof that they aren't cheating, only that they are. You may always wonder if they really are cheating but are just really good at covering their tracks. If you hire someone to follow them for a while, than either way you should have proof which can really set your mind at ease.

If hiring a private investigator simply isn't in your budget, you do have some other options. Most of these things are just commonsense.

The first thing to look out for is a change in your husband’s behaviour and patterns. Of course, please do not let your imagination get the better of you. Many of these ‘signs’ can also be totally innocent. Just because you witness one or more of these behaviours it isn't definitive proof of an affair, it just means that you should dig a little deeper to be sure.

So, if your husband is suddenly putting in a lot more time at work, look deeper.

Is your husband suddenly obsessed with improving his appearance? This is another tell tale sign of an affair. If, up until now, your hubby was perfectly happy going out in his sweats and an old t-shirt but suddenly wants to wear nicer clothes, you may want to dig a little deeper.

It could be something innocent; maybe he is just feeling a little unattractive, old or fat and wants to make himself feel better. On the other hand, it could be a sign that he is trying to impress someone else. It's worth a second look.

If your husband suddenly starts being more concerned about working out and/or eating right it could be a sign that he wants to impress someone. Of course, it could also be a sign that he is sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and is just trying to take better care of himself.

Men aren't known for their conversational skills. If your husband is taking more care of himself because someone at his work suddenly keeled over from a heart attack and your husband got scared, he isn't real likely to confess that to you. So as far as you can see, his behaviour is out of the blue and suspicious, but in reality he is scared.

So before you ask the question: "How can I catch my husband cheating?" make sure you are ready to deal with whatever you find. Also make sure that you are keeping an open mind so you don't jump to conclusions.

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Cheating In a Relationship Destroys Trust

Nothing is more disheartening to a relationship than finding out that there has been infidelity. It can break your heart and can definitely knock the wind out of your sails. But, the good news is that cheating in a relationship can be overcome with time. Please take the time to focus on your relationship and try to work things out, in many cases you can. Don't give up.

One of the best things you can do is to take plenty of time to try to figure out what happened. Unless one of you is a chronic cheater, the cheating came from somewhere (not that this is an excuse) but to fix things you need to know what happened to create the situation in the first place.

If you or your partner has been going through some things and maybe that situation has put stress on your marriage or relationship than you may need to start there. But, I know I'm repeating myself but it's that important, that doesn't mean it was ok that either of you turned to another person to feel better about yourself. No matter what situations the two of you are dealing with, it doesn't make it alright to have an affair.

It's important to figure that out and fix the cause. You will also need to get help from a therapist. The hurt and anger that you can feel after someone has cheated can almost take on a life of it's own and it can be very difficult to work past it, especially on your own.

If the two of you understand that the process will take time and it will be painful yet you are still willing to do what needs to be done, than the two of you have a great chance of salvaging your relationship and maybe even making things better than they were before.

Of course, if one or the other of you has a long history of cheating than the problem runs much deeper than just some issue in your relationship. If either of you is like that than the best thing for you to do is for the "cheater" to get some serious counselling to figure out why they are so flawed that they think it's ok to do what they want to do no matter who they hurt and what promises you go back on.

When you make a commitment to someone that is a promise. Even if you don't come out and say the words "I won't be with another person" once you and your partner enter into a committed relationship that is the same as making a promise.

If you just go about doing whatever you want to do no matter who you hurt, than you have problems. Sorry, if that sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

If this describes you than before you do anything please get yourself the help you need so you don't continue to go through life hurting yourself and anyone who has made the mistake of loving you.

Tough love can be...well, tough. Many of us come to a point in our lives sometimes where we have to face difficult choices and decisions. While it's not always fun and it's never easy, making changes and saving your relationship is possible but you have to start with you. Cheating in a relationship can be overcome, just be willing to put in the time and effort.

What if you could recapture your ex lovers mind, heart and soul?...Wipe the slate clean? Turn back time? Even if you feel right now that your situation is too far gone…too screwed up …or just plain too darn complicated? Click Here and find out how an ordinary guy has helped 50000+ couples find happiness and lasting love even though they thought it couldn't happen!

Cheated Wife Move On With Your Life!

If you have become a cheated wife, I am sure you are wondering what you should do now to try to get over your ex. You are more than likely feeling hurt, anger, and resentment over the situation, and you need someone to talk to or someone to tell you what to do. 

First off, that's the wrong approach, you do not need someone to tell you what to do but you do need someone to listen. There's nothing wrong with hurting when someone you love is no longer in your life. I'm not saying you should break down and sob in front of your friends, but unless your friends are complete witches they should be able to support you while you're going through this tough time.

Sometimes, in any given situation, it's just as important to know what not to do as it is to know what to do.  For example, do not hook up with other fella’s. I know, this could help your wounded pride heal and it may take away some of the hurt for a little while, but what about that other fella? Does he really deserve to be treated like a stand in for your ex? What has he ever done to you?  No, it's best to just resist the urge to sleep with other fella’s at least for a little while until you can do it for the right reasons and not just to build up your own ego, or ease your hurt, or get back at your ex.

Another thing you need to avoid is the dumb move of going out and getting wasted. Ask yourself what have you really accomplished? Probably just the biggest hangover you have ever had, that's what. If you want to go out with your friends and have some fun to keep your mind off of things, be my guest. But if you want to drink yourself into a stupor then avoid doing it in public, stay home where you won't make a fool of yourself and where you can't hurt anyone.

Instead of wallowing in self pity when you're a cheated wife, try doing something positive that won't leave you feeling even worse. How about joining a gym and getting in shape?  Why not take a class or go back to school?  Go cry on your mommy's shoulder.

It doesn't matter what it is you do, as long as the things you choose are healthy and will eventually move you forward in your life. They can help you take your mind off your ex, and your anger, and concentrate on something that is worthwhile.

Avoiding the destructive behaviours after a breakup and improving the woman you are will enable you to move forward in a positive way and will greatly increase the odds that your next relationship will work out better than your last one did. So if you're a cheated wife take stock of the woman you are and make improvements while you are healing your broken heart.

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Obvious Mistakes and Avoiding Being a Dumped Boyfriend

Johnny is now in the position of being a dumped boyfriend but it is his own fault that he has just been dumped.  You see Johnny went out to a party one night with some friends but his girlfriend Frankie was busy that night and couldn’t go.  Johnny made the big mistake of drinking too much and then making out with some girl he didn’t even know.  Of course it didn’t take long for the news to get back to Frankie.

When Frankie found out that Johnny had been unfaithful, she called him up and among the crying, yelling and name calling, she told him she never wanted to see him again.

Johnny felt terrible and knew that what he did was wrong and wished he could go back in time and not let it happen.  On the other hand, he didn’t think that his one mistake was enough to end the relationship over.

Johnny decided the relationship was worth saving and started taking steps to win Frankie back.  But silly Johnny really didn’t know the best way to win back a broken heart and did it all wrong!

The first thing Johnny did wrong was when Frankie called him, instead of apologizing for his mistake he just grovelled and begged Frankie to take him back.  This is the wrong time for begging as Frankie is very angry and in no mood for grovelling and begging.

Then Johnny proceeded to aggressively pursue her and not give her time to deal with what happened.  Johnny sent Frankie over 100 texts during the next week and called her three or four times a day and often during the night.

After a week of persistently bugging Frankie, Johnny got really desperate and went to her house and sang love songs outside her bedroom window.  It wasn't long before the neighbours called the police.

Johnny realized that none of his tactics were working so decided to try something different.  He decided to try the jealousy tactic and proceeded to ask out one of Frankie's friends.

Frankie's friend agreed to go out on a date with Johnny and the news soon got back to Frankie, just as Johnny hoped it would.  Johnny thought that when Frankie heard he was dating her friend, that she would be jealous and beg him to come back to her.  But Frankie wasn't jealous; it had the opposite effect and made Frankie furious.  Frankie knew that Johnny was dating her friend to get back at her and she was also angry at her friend for dating her ex boyfriend.

So let's take a look at where Johnny went wrong and could have done things differently.

Well the first obvious mistake was when Johnny drank too much and made out with another girl.  Silly mistake that shouldn't have been made in the first place – mistake number one!  However, even with such a mistake a relationship can be saved if the right steps are taken.

Johnny grovelled and begged Frankie immediately and then proceeded to hound her with texts and phone calls.  He didn’t give her time to breath, he didn't give her space and at that point in time she needed some space to take in what had happened and decide whether she wanted to salvage the relationship or not.  Johnny, the dumped boyfriend, didn't give her the space she needed – that was mistake number two!

Johnny asked Frankie's friend out on a date to make her jealous.  Mistake number three!  Frankie isn't stupid and she knew what he was playing at and this just made her angry.

If Johnny had really wanted to salvage this relationship he should have apologized to Frankie for what he did and let her know that he still loves her and it was just one big mistake.  Then he should have given her some space to think about what had happened and his apology so she could then decide whether she would accept his apology or not.

Johnny should never have asked Frankie's friend out on a date.  Once he had given her some space, if he didn't hear back from her after a week or so he could have called her and asked her out to dinner so they could talk.  If Frankie had decided that she didn’t want him back then he would have to accept that, but if Johnny had been more sincere and caring of her needs, then she may have considered reconciling with him.

Frankie decided not to take Johnny back after his mistake and the way he acted afterward.  If Johnny hadn't acted like such an oaf afterwards, Frankie might have forgiven him for his mistake.  Johnny made the big dumped boyfriend mistake by not acting in the correct manner to fix his mistake. If you make a mistake, don't make things worse; think about what you are going to do before you start harassing you're ex girlfriend and driving her even further away.

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Relationship Trouble Signs – What to Look Out For!

Relationship trouble, what are the signs?  Are you worried that your relationship is getting ready to collapse?  Not sure what signs you should be on the lookout for?  No one likes to be blindsided. Being blindsided always results in pain whether physical or emotional. Even if your relationship ends, the pain will be a little less if you can see it coming and brace for impact. There are some signs that all may not be well on the home front, if you keep your eyes open.

The first thing you need to remember is that we are usually pretty good at lying to ourselves. We are remarkably adept at keeping the blinders firmly in place if removing them would be to face certain pain. In the long run though you only do more harm than good by ignoring the inevitable.  It's best to see things clearly; if you do you may actually have a chance to change the direction your relationship is taking and prevent the breakup.

Here are some signs that you need to keep an eye out for:

1. If you and your partner used to be joined at the hip but all of a sudden they seem to have a lot of more important things to do, you may be headed for a breakup. Of course, don't be a twit and ignore the fact that they just got a promotion and they're a lot busier at work. If they don't have a reasonable excuse for their sudden absence you may want to sit them down and have a talk with them to try and figure out what is going on.

Make sure that you ask them what the problem is and not accuse them of anything. If you accuse them of something and they are just feeling a little down or overwhelmed you may just give them cause to end the relationship. Be careful to not come off defensively.  Stay calm and rational when you talk to them.

2. Does your 'better half' suddenly seem to need a lot of privacy? If their habits change and they become much more private it could be a sign that they are talking to someone and they don't want you to know. If they are suddenly leaving the room to talk on their cell phone, or they are taking their laptop into the other room, you may want to ask them, nicely, what's going on?  If they say 'nothing' that might well be your answer since it's obvious that their behaviour has changed and if they don't have a good reason why it could be that there isn't a good reason.  Again, though, give them the benefit of the doubt. You'd look awfully stupid if you accused them of something when all they were doing was planning a great anniversary trip or surprise birthday party.

3. Sex, do you still have it as often as you once did? Is there a change in who initiates it? If your partner used to always want sex and suddenly they just don't seem interested, it could be a sign that they have found someone else.  Of course, it could also be a sign that they're tired, overwhelmed, depressed, etc.  Don't jump to conclusions, just ask.

Many times relationship trouble signs are pretty easy to spot, as long as you're not so afraid to see them that you ignore them. By spotting them early you've got a much better shot at dealing with whatever the issues are before the actual breakup. You might just be able to save your relationship by keeping your eyes wide open and stay rational.

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What Is Emotional Infidelity and How to Deal With It

We don't live in a bubble. We spend time out in the world with other people and sometimes we make a connection with those other people. This is great, and a wonderful part of life. But it can become emotional infidelity when you are being more intimate with this new person than you are with your partner, even if it isn't sexual.  It may be hard to draw the line sometimes but if you find that you are thinking of another person a lot, and not just in a casual way, it may be that you need to assess your own relationship.

It's very common that this type of emotional infidelity will eventually lead to a sexual relationship. That's one of the main reasons it needs to be nipped in the bud right away. There is no reason to beat yourself up about it just because you happened to meet someone and found that the two of you had an amazing attraction. What you do need to do, however, is to recognize that any type of infidelity is wrong and you need to put a stop to it before it goes any further.

The longer you allow yourself to spend time with this other person, the stronger the attraction will become and the harder it will be to resist temptation, or break things off. If you are sharing things with this new person about your relationship with your spouse, you've crossed a line. It's one thing to confide some things to your friends, but not someone you are attracted to.  Doing so will only create bigger problems for you and create an 'unnatural' bond with the new person.

Your spouse is the person you should be sharing these issues with, not someone who you are having feelings for. That is a breach of the trust you and your partner share.  By letting this other person in, more and more every time the two of you talk, you are distancing yourself from your partner.  If you do that for too long, your main relationship will completely fall apart. And even though you may think that's what you want so you can have the new person, it rarely works out quite so neatly. 

It's unbelievably easy to make more out of the time you spend with your new friend. After all, the two of you don't bicker; you don't have any issues with money or how to deal with the kids, etc. The day to day things that can drag us all down aren't shared by the two of you so of course things may seem wonderful. Just remember, they felt that way at first with your spouse too.  It's inevitable. But don't confuse that with having found your soul mate. Your soul mate is more than likely the person waiting for you at home.

What is emotional infidelity? It’s very often the first step to a fully fledged affair. It's very easy to have a connection with someone else, but when that connection seems to take on a life of its own, you need to pull back before things get so far out of hand that you can't salvage the situation.

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Do Affair Relationships Last

Do affair relationships last? If your relationship has started off as an affair and the two of you are wondering if you should leave your spouses and try to make a go of your relationship, you have to carefully consider the consequences of such an action.

It's very tough to keep a relationship going if it has started off by both of you lying and cheating. For one thing you're both going to have a real problem trusting each other. I mean, you both know that you've both cheated, how can you ever really be sure that you won't each cheat on each other?  Even if the two of you can overcome that, there are still all the other issues to consider.

For one thing, are there kids involved?  This is by far the hardest situation to work through. No one wants to hurt their kids and it will be virtually impossible for the kids to ever feel warm fuzzes for the person who broke their other parent's heart (at least that's the way the kids will see it. More than likely they'll let their cheating parent largely off the hook and blame the other man/woman).

Even if there aren't kids involved, you have to remember that this relationship is just like any other: it starts off hot and passionate, but can you keep that alive? Your marriages probably started off that way too and look where that is.

One of the biggest reasons the two of you felt so free in the first place was because you didn't share any responsibilities.  The day to day grind is almost always what slowly works its way between couples and causes the problems. You have to be realistic enough to recognize that the very same thing will happen between the two of you over time. Your brand new 'soul mate' may not seem so brand new in five or ten years... just like your spouse.

Of course, having considered all of these facts there still remains one question you have to ask yourself, do you still love your spouse? If you can honestly say that you just don't feel love for your spouse (and I'm not talking about the fireworks, tingling toes feeling that always fades and changes in any relationship) than despite the pain it will cause you might be doing them a favour in the long run by leaving.

If it comes to that, it's best for everyone involved if you don't let them know that the catalyst for the breakup is your affair. That is one secret you should keep to yourself. Just let your spouse know that the marriage is over and be as compassionate as possible.

Do affair relationships last? Generally not! But if the two of you have decided that even though you met in the wrong way, you still have a deep love for each other and that your marriages have been over for a long time, you might as well give it a go.  Just keep the fact that you got together while you were still married to other people, just between the two of you. No need to cause unnecessary pain to others. Take it slow and make sure you really are in love and are compatible or you will end up back here again.

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Dealing with Infidelity in Marriage

Let's face facts, not all marriages should be saved.  Sometimes the two partners’ just aren't well-matched and just can't make things right. At other times there are real issues such as dealing with infidelity in marriage, which can be almost impossible to move past.

If you or your spouse has been unfaithful but you both feel that there is still something in the relationship worth saving, it's time for a self assessment. Don't think that the road to save your marriage will be smooth or short. You had better prepare for a rough ride, as you’re going to have a much better chance of dealing with infidelity in marriage if you enlist the help of a professional therapist to help clear the path, as much as possible.

Here are a few things to keep in mind when dealing with infidelity in marriage:

1. If the person who committed the adultery is a serial cheater, why stay at all? Come on, who are you kidding? No matter how much you may love them, they are flawed. They aren't ever going to change they are just going to make your life miserable at best, and at worst they'll bring some nasty disease home and clear out your bank account and then leave!

If this was a one time lapse in judgment, and let's be honest, in the right circumstances any of us could have one, than you might have a chance but only if the offending party is truly sorry and will, or already has, stopped seeing the other person. If they won't commit 100% to making things work, it won't work. Again, it's best to leave.

2. As hard as it may be to face, it might help if the two of you could talk openly about what they found so irresistible in the other person. It's going to hurt, but the reality is that people don't cheat for sex, though that is part of it, they cheat because they get something from the other person that they don't get from their spouse.

Sometimes it can be something 'real' like feeling needed or loved. Other times it's not 'real' it's childish, like feeling like they are the only one that matters in the relationship. Finding out what the attraction was might help the two of you recapture something that has been lost in your relationship; something that you may not even have realized was gone.

3. It’s very important to the long term health of your relationship that the person who was cheated on can find a way to not throw it up in their partner's face every time there is a fight. And that will be hard. But unless you can truly forgive and forget, dealing with infidelity in marriage won't work out.

On the other side of the coin, the person who strayed must understand that it can take a lifetime for their partner to really ever trust them again. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

Also, the person who strayed has to own it, period. Now is not the time to blame your spouse and use the classic line: "my wife/husband just doesn't understand me".  B.S. You are every bit as guilty, maybe more so, in the failing of your marriage as your spouse. Don't blame your weakness and the fact that you cheated on your partner. You did it, period. Own it and you'll be a better person for it. You don’t go out for a burger if you have steak at home!

Dealing with infidelity in marriage can be overcome, but only if the two of you are willing to try, and try hard. Good luck.

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My Husband is having an Affair What Do I Do?

Sadly many women find themselves in this situation and as crossroads in your life go... this is about as serious as it gets. How you deal with your husband having an affair and what you do next, depends on your circumstances and your strength of character.

We always find out more about ourselves in times of trouble. You are of course feeling hurt and your ego has taken a massive blow, but at this time you have to remember that in most cases it isn’t your fault. Men have affairs for many reasons and it isn’t always just sex as men can sometimes be as emotionally complex as women. From an early age men are encouraged to be strong and society frowns on men showing their emotions even today and in most cultures around the world. It is difficult for men to deal with emotional noise.

In most cases men have affairs because their ego needs massaging and this can be because of a dreadful childhood or a previous relationship with someone that made them feel useless. Unfortunately, when we begin a relationship it’s not just with that person but with every experience they have had. For a man to settle down and stay faithful to one person he has to be in a place mentally where any previous anxieties or insecurities due to being made to feel useless have been resolved. He needs to be at peace with himself, confident and emotionally strong and usually this is taken care of in a man’s teens or early twenties. The problem arises when these things haven’t been worked through in adolescences.

If your husband didn’t sort these emotional issues out before he met you... you will always struggle to make him happy until he is at peace with himself. You have to remember that this is his problem and his issues and there is very little you can do so don’t take what has happened to you personally. If he is still needing to massage his ego, no matter how hard you try, you will never be enough... no one would!

So your husband is having an affair what do you do? Firstly, you need to concentrate on you... especially if you have children and you need to decide on whether you are willing to forgive and give him another chance or not. If he isn’t completely at peace with himself and feels the need to massage his ego he will fall prey to any woman that flirts with him or makes an advance towards him and sadly there are women out there with ego issues of their own that love to prey on men that are vulnerable.

To win your husband back and stop him from having affairs in the future you need to be able to sort out those issues he has, and you need to be able to massage his ego to the point where he doesn’t want or need anyone else. So you need to ask yourself... can you do that. Do you even want to do that? We fall in love because of how a person makes us feel, can you make him feel fantastic again, does he make you feel fantastic? If neither of these things is achievable you really have no alternative but to move on.

If you feel you could make your husband feel good about himself and you would be happier with him than without him there are many books and video courses that can teach you how to work through these issues. Just bear in mind that you can’t live a happy life with miss trust and insecurity so only embark on this healing process if you feel you will be able to trust him in the future once you have worked through his issues.

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Cheating In a Relationship - WOW - It Hurts

Wow, cheating in a relationship is one of the most difficult betrayals to overcome, and many couples can never really move past it.  It will take a lot of time and love to rebuild the distrust that cheating has caused and unless both of you are committed to it 100% you might as well call it quits right now because it simply won't work.

If you're the one who has been cheated on, it may be very difficult for you to ever trust your partner again, no matter how much they apologize. If you tell them that you are willing to try you better make darn sure that you really are willing to try.  One of the biggest traps of this type of situation is the tendency of the person who was betrayed to punish the cheater throughout the rest of the relationship.  The problem is that you won't really know if that's what will happen or not since you might sincerely believe you can forgive them for the betrayal.

Before you even try to mend the relationship it's important you ask yourself why. Make sure that you are only staying because you truly believe the two of you can make things work and not because you're afraid of being on your own.  If your partner has cheated more than once, do yourself a favour and run, don't walk, away.  We often get confused about the causes of cheating, we think it's about sex, but it's not really. The truth is that it's about one person’s serious character flaws and insecurities. 

There have been a string of high profile cases lately where husbands have cheated on their (very beautiful) wives almost from the day they said "I do".  What is their excuse?  Is it an addiction?  Is it that their wives weren't meeting their needs?  The truth is that with most of these cases the cheaters are just insecure children who never grew up enough to live up to their word.  When they said "I do" it was supposed to mean "I won't" but they selfishly did whatever it was that made them feel better for a few minutes.

If you're in a relationship with someone like that you are really better off to just leave.  It's unlikely that any amount of therapy will help your partner grow up and grow a conscience or grow some character. You don't need the pain.

If, on the other hand, your partner made a onetime mistake and the two of you had a great relationship prior to that (and you think you really can forgive them) than by all means give it a shot.  It would probably be best to enlist the help of a therapist who can help the two of you navigate the minefield that is going to follow the affair.  It will be tough for the two of you to keep your emotions in check long enough to find a path to the loving relationship you once shared.

It won't be easy but cheating in a relationship can be overcome but only if both parties really want it.  If you aren't both committed totally to making things better and moving on, than you're better off calling it quits right now so you can find someone who knows what honesty and fidelity is all about.

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Overcoming Jealousy and Dealing with Jealousy in a Relationship

Overcoming jealousy and dealing with jealousy in a relationship is a lot easier when you understand why it’s happening. In this article I will attempt to explain why it’s happening and how to deal with it.

First of all… you should know that jealousy is a normal emotion. Even Freud states that a person would be abnormal if they didn’t experience jealousy at some stage in their life. Freud compares it to bereavement in as much as it would be abnormal for someone to not grieve when someone they care about dies. Jealousy is the same in as much as it would be a bit strange if you didn’t care whether the person you loved shared intimacy with you or someone else.

Now I know what you are going to say… people in open relationships share each other momentarily with other sexual partners. This is done with consent and of course is not the norm. Swingers as we call them in the UK make up only a fraction of the population and they see the sex they have with others as just that… sex. Not intimacy or love. When we are jealous it’s because we are afraid of losing the love of a person, because we want to be the centre of their world and when it appears that we are not, we feel insecure and this leads to jealousy.

The levels of jealousy will ultimately depend on how insecure you are and this is, according to Freud governed by your childhood. If you were constantly let down as a child… subconsciously you will assume that it is going to happen all the time as an adult. If on the other hand you had a stable and loving childhood where nothing nasty happened and your parents always did as they promised… your subconscious will assume most people can be trusted.

Overcoming jealousy is about overcoming your own insecurities and controlling the demons your childhood created in your subconscious. The easy way to deal with the green eyed monster is to not care at all. Some people can do this and it shows in their relationships. They prefer not to give too much of themselves in case they get hurt. This causes a lot of relationships to collapse over time. Men are particularly good at this and can get away with it because of the macho stance that is almost expected by society.

It is a lot harder for women to take this stance as women are more caring by nature. This is evolution and dates back to early mankind as the woman had to care and protect the young sometimes from the men. Women are of course more affectionate, even to one another than men are. Women have no problem cuddling their mates but men have to be at a sports event or drunk to do the same… although this is changing in the 21^st century.

Take a step back when feeling jealous and analyse whether you are being reasonable. Your partner just talking to someone who is attractive is not a reason to be jealous. So many people who are insecure react on very little evidence. Unless you have concrete evidence of an affair… put all jealous thoughts out of your mind. Don’t check emails, don’t check texts or your partners smart phone, this will not help you. You could miss understand a text or email and cause a massive problem in your relationship when there was a perfectly logical explanation.

As you go through life you will have to deal with many trials and tribulations. The average person has three major relationships in their lives and we never quite know what life has in store for us. Don’t try and control it… because you can’t… so enjoy the time you have together and don’t be melodramatic or let your insecurities spoil your life. Concentrate on making the one you love happier than anyone else could ever do and you will have a long and happy relationship.

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Restoring Trust in Relationships after an Affair

This is not intended to be a discussion on the Bible, or anything religious, but I'd like to raise a specific point. According to the Bible, there are only two acceptable reasons for divorce, and one of those is a cheating spouse. The point is that unfaithfulness is a serious offence. Conventional perception states that people should split up if one of them has been adulterous. It doesn't have to be that way if both parties are prepared to do what it takes. Restoring trust in relationships isn't easy, but it can be achieved. Here are some ideas on how to make that come about. 

The main thing to keep in mind as you go through the process of restoring trust is that it requires changes in the behaviour and attitudes of both people in the relationship. Even after something as severe as an affair, a relationship can be saved. The key is to start with a little trust, and continue to build on it. 

Before you can start rebuilding trust, you need to take a straightforward look at what went wrong. Our natural inclination is to blame the other person, and they are likely at fault to some extent, but the only person you have total control over is yourself; consequently, you need to get to the root of what you may have done to end the relationship. Once you find the cause of the problem, you can take steps to fix it.

For example, if your partner had an affair, what was it that they were looking for from someone else? What was it that you weren't providing? You will need to improve these things if you want to have a future together. Don't get me wrong, it's never right to deceive, but we are trying to restore a relationship and work on trust. While you can't disengage the past, you can certainly generate a better future.

The next step is to start really gaining some faith again. One of the best things you can do is assume the other person is being truthful. By doing this, you will get trust in return. Of course, that is easy to say, but much harder in practice. So, the trick here is to take tiny steps. Tell your significant other that you will be home by 7:00 PM, and then be home by 7:00 PM (or a little early if at all possible). It doesn't have to be anything big, just start demonstrating your capacity to stick to your word.

Over time, these small steps start to mount up and build on one another. But, you must keep doing it and always follow through on what you say you're going to do. Excuses will not cut it at this point. In fact, if there is any chance, any uncertainty in your mind at all, then it's better to not say anything at all.

Restoring trust in relationships is not an easy undertaking. And the more severe the reason for the lack of trust, the harder it will be to recover it. Keep your focus on trust, and keep taking those small steps, and before you know it, you will be happy once more.

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Getting Rid Of the Other Woman - Simple and Clean

No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, and some are worse than others. One of the worst mistakes you can make, and the one that does an unimaginable amount of harm, is that of infidelity. When you cheat on someone whether it's your wife or your girlfriend, you are proving to everyone involved that you are selfish and childish. The only way to make things right is to end the relationship and give 100% to your wife or girlfriend, the one who you promised you would be faithful to.  The problem is, the other woman might genuinely care for you and you will hurt her too, so be careful how you go about getting rid of the other woman.

The first thing you have to do is talk to her.  If you've been lying to her and she didn't even know you were married or in another relationship, you've really screwed up.  You will most likely cause her a lot of pain but you have to break the cycle of lying and cheating. Just be as gentle as possible, but let her know in no uncertain terms that it's over and you don't want to see her again.

If your lover knows that you're married or in another relationship, ending things with her will be a little easier, hopefully.  At least you haven't lied to her too.  Just make a clean break.

You have to make sure and make a total break from the other woman that means no phone calls, racy texts, or fantasies. If you want your marriage or your relationship with your girlfriend to work you have to give her 100% fidelity and that means even in your mind.  Fantasizing is fine as long as your fantasies revolve around a movie star or a person you don't know, if you're still fantasizing about your mistress than you haven't totally ended the relationship. 

Make sure you get rid of her phone number, delete her email address and all emails the two of you have exchanged.  If you've been given any presents or mementos, get rid of them too.  You have to make a fresh start and you can't do that if you're still holding on to your mistress, even in small ways.

If the other woman was someone you met at work, you will see her on a daily basis so it will become even more necessary that you let her know everything is over. Don't lead her on just to stroke your own ego.  Tell her it's over and follow up the words with clear actions, if the two of you used to hang out during your lunch hour, try to take your lunch at a different time or don't go to the same places where you used to meet her.  Alter your routine so that you can avoid her as much as possible that way you'll be letting her know by your actions as well as your words that it truly is over for good.

The other woman is often demonised in our society and if a woman knowingly goes out with a married man she has some moral issues she needs to deal with, but the bottom line is that you are the one who made the commitment to your wife or girlfriend, and you are the one who broke it.  It's your responsibility to make things right and the first step to do that is by getting rid of the other woman and makes a total commitment to your wife.

Cheating Boyfriend Test 4 Types of Tests

Girls who think that their boyfriends are cheating will often turn to Internet websites to find answers to their suspicions. Most will run into a "cheating boyfriend test" that will gauge their situation, and give advice based on the information provided. It is important to take the information you find through these quizzes with a grain of salt. It is also important to be able to differentiate between the four types of tests, and how they can affect your results and your relationship.

The "Hunch" Test

The first type of test that many will run into can be referred to as the "Hunch" test. This test simply asks you questions that are based on your gut instinct. Questions on these tests will include phrases like 'Do you assume that he's or "If you had to guess, when he goes out with his friends he...". These questions are based on your hunches, and are not based on actual evidence. These tests lead to paranoia, and never manage to prove whether or not your boyfriend is cheating on you.

The "Changes" Test

Another type of test will focus on the irregularities of your relationship. The test will simply ask you about any changes that you may see in your boyfriend, or in your relationship. Questions may ask if he acts toward you like he used to, or if he does simple tasks in the same way that he used to. This test aims to gauge any irregular behaviour, but suffers the same fate as the hunch test. This test simply makes you more paranoid, and doesn’t actually prove anything at all.

The "Professionals" Test

Professional tests are tests that are designed by psychiatrists and behaviour specialists. These tests claim to give you a professional opinion on your boyfriend. These questions cause nothing but trouble; most are not actually designed or supported by any professionals. These tests simply pretend to have more clout than they actually have.

The "Personality" Test

The final type of test is the only type of test that may be somewhat legitimate for those who are trying to figure out if their boyfriend is cheating on them. The 'personality' test looks at the personality of your boyfriend. The test will not state whether or not your boyfriend is cheating on you. The answers will simply tell you whether or not their personality type is prone to cheating. This test is the most positive of them all because it gives you hints and tips about the personality of your boyfriend without assuming that he is actually cheating on you.

There are certain types of test that could be considered more reliable than others. It is important to understand, however, that no test can actually tell you whether or not your boyfriend is being unfaithful. You must simply trust that they are being faithful, or confront them about their cheating ways.