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Saturday, 15 October 2011

Did Your Wife Break Up With You? Being Dumped!

Have you just been dumped and are left wondering why did your wife break up with you?  Trust me you are not alone, in fact three quarters of marriages are ended by the woman.  So there are more guys that go through this 'being dumped' experience than women.
So if you have been dumped, what do you do now?  Men are often expected to get over these things much quicker than women.  It is thought that women are more emotional and will spend more time trying to mend their broken heart than what a man would.  But many men are quite sensitive and it is just as hurtful for them when a marriage ends, even if they don't show it all that much.
A marriage break up is just as painful for a man as it is for a woman; they just aren't expected to show those emotions.
Men are often stereotyped as being interested in any woman they meet and are happy to go from one fling to another and never be tied down.  The truth is that many men do actually place a lot of value on a stable marriage and are looking for the perfect woman to spend his life with.
So when you think you have found that perfect woman and then she dumps you, it can be difficult to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.
Men tend to keep their emotions to themselves and find it difficult to express what they are feeling. Men keep a lot of their feelings bottled up and this can be devastating long term.  Girls can often release their feelings and emotions by talking to a wife or writing in a diary, but men don't tend to do this as much.  Because men don't get their emotions out they can linger much longer and as a result they can take longer to get over a breakup.
You should get rid of all the memories of your ex from your home.  I'm sure you will have photos, clothes, cd's and other items that belong to her or remind you of her.  If you leave these around your house then you are constantly being reminded of her and that will make it harder to get over her.  So throw things away, give things back to her or even just store things away for now, just get rid of them so you aren't looking at them every day.
Although she might want to stay friends, being friends with her can make it harder to get over her.  If you are constantly seeing her, talking to her or texting her then it will be difficult to move on.  Perhaps friendship is an option later on, but when you first break up it is better to close off communications for a while so that you can learn to come to terms with the marriage ending.  You need to have space so that your heart can heal.
You might find that you don't really feel like going out with your friends and having fun, you probably just aren't in the mood.  But getting out with your friends and having fun is the best thing that you can do right now.  Having fun with your mates will take your mind of your break up and you will start enjoying life again.
Eventually you will be ready to get back into the dating scene again.  You don't need to rush back into it, in fact it is better to take your time and make sure that you are over your ex before getting involved with anyone else.  There is someone out there who is perfect for you and you will find her, it will just take a bit of time to get over your marriage and move on with your future.

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Friday, 14 October 2011

Obvious Mistakes and Avoiding Being a Dumped Boyfriend

Johnny is now in the position of being a dumped boyfriend but it is his own fault that he has just been dumped.  You see Johnny went out to a party one night with some friends but his girlfriend Frankie was busy that night and couldn’t go.  Johnny made the big mistake of drinking too much and then making out with some girl he didn’t even know.  Of course it didn’t take long for the news to get back to Frankie.
When Frankie found out that Johnny had been unfaithful, she called him up and among the crying, yelling and name calling, she told him she never wanted to see him again.
Johnny felt terrible and knew that what he did was wrong and wished he could go back in time and not let it happen.  On the other hand, he didn’t think that his one mistake was enough to end the relationship over.
Johnny decided the relationship was worth saving and started taking steps to win Frankie back.  But silly Johnny really didn’t know the best way to win back a broken heart and did it all wrong!
The first thing Johnny did wrong was when Frankie called him, instead of apologizing for his mistake he just grovelled and begged Frankie to take him back.  This is the wrong time for begging as Frankie is very angry and in no mood for grovelling and begging.
Then Johnny proceeded to aggressively pursue her and not give her time to deal with what happened.  Johnny sent Frankie over 100 texts during the next week and called her three or four times a day and often during the night.
After a week of persistently bugging Frankie, Johnny got really desperate and went to her house and sang love songs outside her bedroom window.  It wasn't long before the neighbours called the police.
Johnny realized that none of his tactics were working so decided to try something different.  He decided to try the jealousy tactic and proceeded to ask out one of Frankie's friends.
Frankie's friend agreed to go out on a date with Johnny and the news soon got back to Frankie, just as Johnny hoped it would.  Johnny thought that when Frankie heard he was dating her friend, that she would be jealous and beg him to come back to her.  But Frankie wasn't jealous; it had the opposite effect and made Frankie furious.  Frankie knew that Johnny was dating her friend to get back at her and she was also angry at her friend for dating her ex boyfriend.
So let's take a look at where Johnny went wrong and could have done things differently.
Well the first obvious mistake was when Johnny drank too much and made out with another girl.  Silly mistake that shouldn't have been made in the first place – mistake number one!  However, even with such a mistake a relationship can be saved if the right steps are taken.
Johnny grovelled and begged Frankie immediately and then proceeded to hound her with texts and phone calls.  He didn’t give her time to breath, he didn't give her space and at that point in time she needed some space to take in what had happened and decide whether she wanted to salvage the relationship or not.  Johnny, the dumped boyfriend, didn't give her the space she needed – that was mistake number two!
Johnny asked Frankie's friend out on a date to make her jealous.  Mistake number three!  Frankie isn't stupid and she knew what he was playing at and this just made her angry.
If Johnny had really wanted to salvage this relationship he should have apologized to Frankie for what he did and let her know that he still loves her and it was just one big mistake.  Then he should have given her some space to think about what had happened and his apology so she could then decide whether she would accept his apology or not.
Johnny should never have asked Frankie's friend out on a date.  Once he had given her some space, if he didn't hear back from her after a week or so he could have called her and asked her out to dinner so they could talk.  If Frankie had decided that she didn’t want him back then he would have to accept that, but if Johnny had been more sincere and caring of her needs, then she may have considered reconciling with him.
Frankie decided not to take Johnny back after his mistake and the way he acted afterward.  If Johnny hadn't acted like such an oaf afterwards, Frankie might have forgiven him for his mistake.  Johnny made the big dumped boyfriend mistake by not acting in the correct manner to fix his mistake. If you make a mistake, don't make things worse; think about what you are going to do before you start harassing you're ex girlfriend and driving her even further away.

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Thursday, 13 October 2011

How To Cope With A Husband Leaving


When you break up with your husband it can be a very difficult time and you will surely spend a lot of time wondering what went wrong and if there is anything you can do to get him back.  Here is some advice on how to cope with a husband leaving.
The first thing you need to do is determine whether the marriage is well and truly over.  You won't be able to move on with your life until you can honestly say to yourself that he is no longer a part of your life anymore, just an experience from the past.  When you accept this then you can begin to move on.
If you think your marriage still has a chance, then you might want to start out as being 'friends' again and hopefully lead that friendship back into a marriage.  But if your marriage is truly over then you need to work toward accepting your life as it now is and put your ex husband in the past.
To move on with your life you need closure to recognize that the marriage is over and your new life is beginning.  When you get closure then you can begin the healing process. Here are some steps that you can take to find closure on your marriage.
1. Don't keep your feelings bottled up inside. Find someone that you can talk to and share your feelings with so that you can get them out in the open.  It is harder to move on if you keep your feelings bottled up. 
If you have a close friend or family member that you can talk to who can help you through this difficult time, then call on them for help.  A true friend will be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear.
If you don't feel that you can talk to friends or family you can see a therapist who can help you work through your feelings and at the same time it is with someone that isn’t close to you in your usual daily life.
If you don't want to visit a therapist or talk to family or friends, then why not write down your feelings in a journal. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you to understand them better and help to get them out so you aren't keeping your feelings bottled up.
2. The next step to moving on and finding closure is to get rid of any reminders of your ex husband.  I'm sure you will have many things that were given to you as a gift from him, or things that you bought together on a shopping trip, anything that has a significant memory of your marriage needs to go. There might be things that you don't want to throw away and you can perhaps give these back to him, or if they are gifts that you really want to keep then store them away for now where you can't see them.  You don't want to be seeing things on a daily basis that will just remind you of your past marriage.
3. Begin your new life by finding something new to do with your life. If you sit around at home on your own you will just keep thinking about your ex husband. It is best to keep busy and find something to do that will take your mind off the past. 
If there are things that you wanted to do but your husband was never keen on, then this is the time to make the most of your freedom and do whatever you want. Do things that will make you happy and that are fun. You can join a gym, start taking a class to further your education, or do some volunteer work. There are many things that you can do to get you out of the house and keep your mind off your past.
When you are keeping busy and doing things that you enjoy you will begin to think less and less about your ex husband and start enjoying life for yourself. 
When you can reach the stage that you find you are not thinking about your ex husband anymore then you can move on and begin the next stage of your life.  There is someone out there for you and now that you don't have your ex holding you back, you are free to move on and meet Mr. Right. 
You might not find Mr. Right straight away, these things happen when they are meant to happen.  Just enjoy your life and have as much fun as you can and when you do find someone special those old feelings for Mr. Wrong will be long gone.
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