Regaining Trust In A Marriage

Regaining trust in a marriage is going to be an uphill climb. I'm not saying that it can't be done; I'm just saying that you better be willing to put in some serious time and effort if that's what you want. If you're not, you might as well walk away right now and save both of you a lot of extra pain.

Of course, there are many reasons trust can be lost. Sometimes it's fairly 'small' like when your spouse belittles you in front of others. Other times it can be even worse such as in the case of infidelity. This can be virtually impossible to overcome.

If you're willing to try, step one is to figure out what you did to break the trust in the first place. Obviously, if it was infidelity that will be pretty clear. But if it was something a little less extreme like ridiculing your spouse or making fun of them all the time, it might take some digging to figure out why you felt the need to hurt the one person you're supposed to love above everyone else.

Sometimes the more subtle betrayals can be a sign of some deep seated resentment against your spouse. You need to get to the bottom of that issue to figure out what it is before you can make any kind of change.

If you've cheated than you will also need to figure out why. In many cases it's about a lot more than just being attracted to another person. It's often a sign that you're unhappy with your spouse and / or a severe character flaw of yours. Whatever the case may be the first step to trying to rebuild trust with your spouse is to identify the problems so that you can fix them so you never repeat your mistake.

It's going to take a lot to get your spouse to trust you again, the last thing you want to do is to repay that trust by hurting them and betraying them again. Before you ask for a second chance you better make darn sure you're up to the challenge of never betraying them again.

Once you've identified the problem and have taken steps to make sure it doesn't happen again, it's time to talk to your spouse. Explain to them that you've been working on yourself and fixing your issues. Ask them for another chance. Even if they say 'yes' you have to understand that you'll essentially be on 'probation' for a long time.

You have to be willing to overlook a little paranoia on their part. It's going to be very difficult for them to completely let their guard down again and it's likely to take quite a long time before they do. They'll need to see a lot of proof that you've really changed first.

Regaining trust in a marriage will take a lot of time, love and patience. It's not impossible if both parties are willing to try, but making sure that both of you enters into the process with your eyes wide open and don't expect a quick fix.

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Trust In a Marriage - You Need a Leap of Faith!

Building trust in a marriage can take time; it can take even more time rebuilding that trust a second time. I mean, come on, face facts, the first time around you give someone a really big benefit of the doubt. If they make a promise to you it takes a real leap of faith to let yourself open up and trust them, but if they break that trust, it can be almost impossible to do it again.

The reason for that is simple: they've already proven through their words or actions that they can't be trusted. The first time around you had no way of knowing one way or the other, but now you do. Now you know that they can't be trusted, why in the world would you set yourself up for that kind of hurt and pain again?

That is why it's so difficult to overcome any kind of cheating in a marriage. You know the old saying: "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me", that's the whole point. Few people would take such a big risk of being hurt by letting someone who has already proven that they can't be trusted, into their lives again.

It's best to make darn sure you don't do anything to make your partner lose their faith in you in the first place. I know, a lot of people may be thinking that that is easier said than done, but not really.

While it's true that sometimes you find yourself becoming attracted to someone you see on a day to day basis, someone that you may not be able to avoid seeing like a co-worker. In a case like that you just have to keep as much distance as possible and not allow yourself to spend more time with them, or spend time with them outside of work, than is absolutely necessary.

A lot of times though, we do it to ourselves. We'll see someone out at a club when we're with our friends and one thing leads to another and before you know it you've done the very thing you promised you'd never do. In cases like that, you're just a jackass.

Sorry, rough I know, but true. Just because you're out on your own for a night with friends is no excuse to hook up with someone. If you can't stay faithful for one night then you need to really spend some serious time figuring out what is wrong with you because that's not normal behaviour.

Some will consider themselves 'the man' or a 'playa' but really those are just ways to make them feel better about their own shortcomings. A real man would live up to his word and if he promised his girl that he would be faithful than that's what he'd do... period.

And I'm not picking on fella’s, ladies the same exact thing applies to you. If you really want trust in a marriage make sure that you don't do anything to betray that trust. It's very hard to risk being hurt, open up or trust someone, it's virtually impossible to do it a second time when that person proves to you that they can't be trusted.

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Successful Marriages - Don’t Complicate It

Like a lot of people, I'm in my second marriage. The first one ended in divorce. When people said they were sorry about the divorce I couldn't help but think "don't be sorry, it's long overdue". The marriage was not good. This time, though, I made a much better choice with my spouse, and this time I'm happy to say that this is one of the most successful marriages I've ever known.

People wonder how they can have a successful marriage. There are all kinds of private clinics and writers who are more than willing to share the 'secrets' to having good marriages, if you buy their books. However, I'm going to tell you some simple things to do... for free.

You see, as humans we tend to make things so much more complicated than we need to. I honestly believe that you know exactly what you need to do to have a good marriage; you just aren't willing to do it.

Take my sister for example; she calls me at least once a week to complain about what her husband has done. I'm not talking about little annoying things (like leaving the toilet seat up or not putting the paper away when he was done reading it) either, I'm talking major things like screaming at her and treating her like crap.

She has even said that she should break up with him, she knows she should, she just doesn't have the guts to do it. I try to tell her that she would probably be happier once she did it, but she's just not willing to do it. Again, she knows what she needs to do, she just won't do it.

I think that's the case for most people. In a lot of cases people are just in a marriage with the wrong person. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but more often than not you either picked the wrong person to start with or you have both grown in different ways and are no longer compatible.

So the one big key to having good marriages is to not settle and pick someone who you know in your heart isn't right for you just because you don't want to be alone. Instead be a little pickier and find your version of the perfect person. Be willing to overlook some smaller things that you don't like but don't turn a blind eye to things that will be real trouble such as lying, cheating, or abuse.

If you figure out what things you absolutely don't want to have in a marriage and then hold your ground when you meet someone who displays those traits, you'll greatly increase your odds of finding your 'perfect' partner.

Anyone can have a successful marriage as long as they remember that it starts with them. Take some time to get yourself to the point where you are confident enough to hold out for someone who will treat you the way you should be treated and you'll find yourself in a great marriage sooner than you'd have thought.

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