Like a lot of people, I'm in my second marriage. The first one ended in divorce. When people said they were sorry about the divorce I couldn't help but think "don't be sorry, it's long overdue". The marriage was not good. This time, though, I made a much better choice with my spouse, and this time I'm happy to say that this is one of the most successful marriages I've ever known.
People wonder how they can have a successful marriage. There are all kinds of private clinics and writers who are more than willing to share the 'secrets' to having good marriages, if you buy their books. However, I'm going to tell you some simple things to do... for free.
You see, as humans we tend to make things so much more complicated than we need to. I honestly believe that you know exactly what you need to do to have a good marriage; you just aren't willing to do it.
Take my sister for example; she calls me at least once a week to complain about what her husband has done. I'm not talking about little annoying things (like leaving the toilet seat up or not putting the paper away when he was done reading it) either, I'm talking major things like screaming at her and treating her like crap.
She has even said that she should break up with him, she knows she should, she just doesn't have the guts to do it. I try to tell her that she would probably be happier once she did it, but she's just not willing to do it. Again, she knows what she needs to do, she just won't do it.
I think that's the case for most people. In a lot of cases people are just in a marriage with the wrong person. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but more often than not you either picked the wrong person to start with or you have both grown in different ways and are no longer compatible.
So the one big key to having good marriages is to not settle and pick someone who you know in your heart isn't right for you just because you don't want to be alone. Instead be a little pickier and find your version of the perfect person. Be willing to overlook some smaller things that you don't like but don't turn a blind eye to things that will be real trouble such as lying, cheating, or abuse.
If you figure out what things you absolutely don't want to have in a marriage and then hold your ground when you meet someone who displays those traits, you'll greatly increase your odds of finding your 'perfect' partner.
Anyone can have a successful marriage as long as they remember that it starts with them. Take some time to get yourself to the point where you are confident enough to hold out for someone who will treat you the way you should be treated and you'll find yourself in a great marriage sooner than you'd have thought.
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