Relationship Questions to Ask Yourself in a Bad Relationship

If you have someone close to you who questions your relationship, do yourself a favour and listen. More often than not your mother, or sister, or best friend will see signs that you know are there, even though you deny it. No one should subject themselves to a bad relationship, life is just too short.

I guess when it comes right down to it my first bit of advice would be to stay out of bad relationships in the first place. I know many people reading this would say, ‘well I didn't know until I was in love’.  That may be true, I don't know you or your situation, but I can say that in the case of one of my friends and my sister, who are both in awful relationships that would be a lie.

The truth is that almost always the signs are there very early on. We just choose to ignore them, and usually for the wrong reasons. We usually ignore them because we don't want to be alone or the person looks really hot, etc. for dumb reasons. And before we know it we're in over our heads and feel trapped and unsure of what to do.

The good news is that there are things you can do.  Here are a few relationship questions to ask yourself in a bad relationship:

1. Of course, for the purpose of this article, when I talk about a bad relationship I don't mean an abusive one. I just mean that the two of you aren't compatible and don't get along.  If there is abuse going on find help, go to a shelter, go to visit out of town friends, whatever you have to do to get away and be safe.

If, it's not that dire, try to determine (be honest) if the two of you can work on things and make them better. Sometimes the troubles in a relationship are minor and we can easily fix them as long as both parties are willing to try. If you truly think your partner might be willing to give it a try, than by all means give it a try.

2. Sometimes when one partner starts questioning the relationship, and suggesting that the two of you make changes, the other partner will start to get scared and suggest that the two of you take it to the next level. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but it happens. If you start noticing the flaws in your partner or the relationship your partner may start to feel unsure of them self and in order to keep you they might try to lock you in tighter by suggesting that you get married or move in together.

Don't be fooled. If your partner does this it means they are trying to avoid the real issue and they're trying to manipulate you and play on your emotions. Truthfully, if that happens, it should make you question the relationship even more, not less.

So, if someone you know and trust questions the relationship you’re in, than you should ask yourself some relationship questions. They are only looking out for you and they are more often than not, right to be concerned.

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Do Affair Relationships Last

Do affair relationships last? If your relationship has started off as an affair and the two of you are wondering if you should leave your spouses and try to make a go of your relationship, you have to carefully consider the consequences of such an action.

It's very tough to keep a relationship going if it has started off by both of you lying and cheating. For one thing you're both going to have a real problem trusting each other. I mean, you both know that you've both cheated, how can you ever really be sure that you won't each cheat on each other?  Even if the two of you can overcome that, there are still all the other issues to consider.

For one thing, are there kids involved?  This is by far the hardest situation to work through. No one wants to hurt their kids and it will be virtually impossible for the kids to ever feel warm fuzzes for the person who broke their other parent's heart (at least that's the way the kids will see it. More than likely they'll let their cheating parent largely off the hook and blame the other man/woman).

Even if there aren't kids involved, you have to remember that this relationship is just like any other: it starts off hot and passionate, but can you keep that alive? Your marriages probably started off that way too and look where that is.

One of the biggest reasons the two of you felt so free in the first place was because you didn't share any responsibilities.  The day to day grind is almost always what slowly works its way between couples and causes the problems. You have to be realistic enough to recognize that the very same thing will happen between the two of you over time. Your brand new 'soul mate' may not seem so brand new in five or ten years... just like your spouse.

Of course, having considered all of these facts there still remains one question you have to ask yourself, do you still love your spouse? If you can honestly say that you just don't feel love for your spouse (and I'm not talking about the fireworks, tingling toes feeling that always fades and changes in any relationship) than despite the pain it will cause you might be doing them a favour in the long run by leaving.

If it comes to that, it's best for everyone involved if you don't let them know that the catalyst for the breakup is your affair. That is one secret you should keep to yourself. Just let your spouse know that the marriage is over and be as compassionate as possible.

Do affair relationships last? Generally not! But if the two of you have decided that even though you met in the wrong way, you still have a deep love for each other and that your marriages have been over for a long time, you might as well give it a go.  Just keep the fact that you got together while you were still married to other people, just between the two of you. No need to cause unnecessary pain to others. Take it slow and make sure you really are in love and are compatible or you will end up back here again.

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Dealing with Infidelity in Marriage

Let's face facts, not all marriages should be saved.  Sometimes the two partners’ just aren't well-matched and just can't make things right. At other times there are real issues such as dealing with infidelity in marriage, which can be almost impossible to move past.

If you or your spouse has been unfaithful but you both feel that there is still something in the relationship worth saving, it's time for a self assessment. Don't think that the road to save your marriage will be smooth or short. You had better prepare for a rough ride, as you’re going to have a much better chance of dealing with infidelity in marriage if you enlist the help of a professional therapist to help clear the path, as much as possible.

Here are a few things to keep in mind when dealing with infidelity in marriage:

1. If the person who committed the adultery is a serial cheater, why stay at all? Come on, who are you kidding? No matter how much you may love them, they are flawed. They aren't ever going to change they are just going to make your life miserable at best, and at worst they'll bring some nasty disease home and clear out your bank account and then leave!

If this was a one time lapse in judgment, and let's be honest, in the right circumstances any of us could have one, than you might have a chance but only if the offending party is truly sorry and will, or already has, stopped seeing the other person. If they won't commit 100% to making things work, it won't work. Again, it's best to leave.

2. As hard as it may be to face, it might help if the two of you could talk openly about what they found so irresistible in the other person. It's going to hurt, but the reality is that people don't cheat for sex, though that is part of it, they cheat because they get something from the other person that they don't get from their spouse.

Sometimes it can be something 'real' like feeling needed or loved. Other times it's not 'real' it's childish, like feeling like they are the only one that matters in the relationship. Finding out what the attraction was might help the two of you recapture something that has been lost in your relationship; something that you may not even have realized was gone.

3. It’s very important to the long term health of your relationship that the person who was cheated on can find a way to not throw it up in their partner's face every time there is a fight. And that will be hard. But unless you can truly forgive and forget, dealing with infidelity in marriage won't work out.

On the other side of the coin, the person who strayed must understand that it can take a lifetime for their partner to really ever trust them again. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

Also, the person who strayed has to own it, period. Now is not the time to blame your spouse and use the classic line: "my wife/husband just doesn't understand me".  B.S. You are every bit as guilty, maybe more so, in the failing of your marriage as your spouse. Don't blame your weakness and the fact that you cheated on your partner. You did it, period. Own it and you'll be a better person for it. You don’t go out for a burger if you have steak at home!

Dealing with infidelity in marriage can be overcome, but only if the two of you are willing to try, and try hard. Good luck.

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