Ending a Relationship on Good Terms

Ending a relationship on good terms is not always possible. It's so easy to second guess yourself and wonder if you're making a horrible mistake. Then comes the guilt you'll feel by causing someone you used to love, and maybe still do, all that hurt. Where should you have 'the talk'? When?  What will you say? What should you make sure not to say?  It's never easy to break up, but with some forethought you can lessen the hurt and clumsiness a little bit.

Do yourself a favour and think long and hard about it before you actually do it. It's very hard, sometimes impossible; to get back with someone after a breakup so you want to make sure that you're sure this is the best thing to do...before you do it.  Don't go off in a sulk because the two of you just had a fight. You don't want to have to swallow your pride and eat your words if you've jumped the gun and then had a change of heart.

Of course, if you're being abused, don't allow yourself to be talked out of it. This is the one time that you have got to stand your ground.  Other than that, though, take your time while making your decision, no matter what you may think, the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence.  Make sure you're really ready for all that will happen after the breakup. Don't expect that you'll go out and start dating everyone within a 50 mile radius. It's easy to be a little bored in a relationship and convince yourself that you can do better, but can you?  Really?  You better be sure.

If after all this soul searching you're still convinced that a breakup is the best way to go, than plan out the best way to go about it. Even though you want out of the relationship that's no reason to be mean and callous to your soon- to- be ex.  Try to figure out the kindest and gentlest way to end the relationship. Oh, and don't be a schmuck and breakup with someone right before a major holiday or their birthday. You've waited this long you can wait a few days more. No need to tarnish their big day with memories of a painful breakup.

When it comes time to talk to them, pick a quiet place and take your time. Don't lie to them, be as honest as possible (though if you're already seeing someone else you may want to spare them that detail) but don't back down. You've given this a lot of thought and you're sure this is the right thing to do, so do it. They may cry, threaten and plead but you have to stand firm otherwise you’ll just be repeating the whole scene in a few days or weeks, and who wants to go through that?

Once you've done it and the two of you are through, don't give into temptation and call them, and don't take their calls if they call you either. You both have to move on and since you're the one who ended the relationship it's up to you to be the 'strong' one and cut off all contact.  You may be tempted to talk to them, especially if the whole dating everyone within 50 miles thing hasn't worked out quite the way you planned, but don't. Make a clean break.

You can't take away all the pain and make things better for your ex when it comes to ending a relationship on good terms, but you can handle the situation with thought and compassion to make things as easy as possible. And you should, because karma has a habit of biting you in the posterior.

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Relationship Trouble Signs – What to Look Out For!

Relationship trouble, what are the signs?  Are you worried that your relationship is getting ready to collapse?  Not sure what signs you should be on the lookout for?  No one likes to be blindsided. Being blindsided always results in pain whether physical or emotional. Even if your relationship ends, the pain will be a little less if you can see it coming and brace for impact. There are some signs that all may not be well on the home front, if you keep your eyes open.

The first thing you need to remember is that we are usually pretty good at lying to ourselves. We are remarkably adept at keeping the blinders firmly in place if removing them would be to face certain pain. In the long run though you only do more harm than good by ignoring the inevitable.  It's best to see things clearly; if you do you may actually have a chance to change the direction your relationship is taking and prevent the breakup.

Here are some signs that you need to keep an eye out for:

1. If you and your partner used to be joined at the hip but all of a sudden they seem to have a lot of more important things to do, you may be headed for a breakup. Of course, don't be a twit and ignore the fact that they just got a promotion and they're a lot busier at work. If they don't have a reasonable excuse for their sudden absence you may want to sit them down and have a talk with them to try and figure out what is going on.

Make sure that you ask them what the problem is and not accuse them of anything. If you accuse them of something and they are just feeling a little down or overwhelmed you may just give them cause to end the relationship. Be careful to not come off defensively.  Stay calm and rational when you talk to them.

2. Does your 'better half' suddenly seem to need a lot of privacy? If their habits change and they become much more private it could be a sign that they are talking to someone and they don't want you to know. If they are suddenly leaving the room to talk on their cell phone, or they are taking their laptop into the other room, you may want to ask them, nicely, what's going on?  If they say 'nothing' that might well be your answer since it's obvious that their behaviour has changed and if they don't have a good reason why it could be that there isn't a good reason.  Again, though, give them the benefit of the doubt. You'd look awfully stupid if you accused them of something when all they were doing was planning a great anniversary trip or surprise birthday party.

3. Sex, do you still have it as often as you once did? Is there a change in who initiates it? If your partner used to always want sex and suddenly they just don't seem interested, it could be a sign that they have found someone else.  Of course, it could also be a sign that they're tired, overwhelmed, depressed, etc.  Don't jump to conclusions, just ask.

Many times relationship trouble signs are pretty easy to spot, as long as you're not so afraid to see them that you ignore them. By spotting them early you've got a much better shot at dealing with whatever the issues are before the actual breakup. You might just be able to save your relationship by keeping your eyes wide open and stay rational.

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What Is Emotional Infidelity and How to Deal With It

We don't live in a bubble. We spend time out in the world with other people and sometimes we make a connection with those other people. This is great, and a wonderful part of life. But it can become emotional infidelity when you are being more intimate with this new person than you are with your partner, even if it isn't sexual.  It may be hard to draw the line sometimes but if you find that you are thinking of another person a lot, and not just in a casual way, it may be that you need to assess your own relationship.

It's very common that this type of emotional infidelity will eventually lead to a sexual relationship. That's one of the main reasons it needs to be nipped in the bud right away. There is no reason to beat yourself up about it just because you happened to meet someone and found that the two of you had an amazing attraction. What you do need to do, however, is to recognize that any type of infidelity is wrong and you need to put a stop to it before it goes any further.

The longer you allow yourself to spend time with this other person, the stronger the attraction will become and the harder it will be to resist temptation, or break things off. If you are sharing things with this new person about your relationship with your spouse, you've crossed a line. It's one thing to confide some things to your friends, but not someone you are attracted to.  Doing so will only create bigger problems for you and create an 'unnatural' bond with the new person.

Your spouse is the person you should be sharing these issues with, not someone who you are having feelings for. That is a breach of the trust you and your partner share.  By letting this other person in, more and more every time the two of you talk, you are distancing yourself from your partner.  If you do that for too long, your main relationship will completely fall apart. And even though you may think that's what you want so you can have the new person, it rarely works out quite so neatly. 

It's unbelievably easy to make more out of the time you spend with your new friend. After all, the two of you don't bicker; you don't have any issues with money or how to deal with the kids, etc. The day to day things that can drag us all down aren't shared by the two of you so of course things may seem wonderful. Just remember, they felt that way at first with your spouse too.  It's inevitable. But don't confuse that with having found your soul mate. Your soul mate is more than likely the person waiting for you at home.

What is emotional infidelity? It’s very often the first step to a fully fledged affair. It's very easy to have a connection with someone else, but when that connection seems to take on a life of its own, you need to pull back before things get so far out of hand that you can't salvage the situation.

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