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Sunday, 2 January 2011

Can Online Counselling Save a Marriage in Crisis?


Every marriage goes through ups and downs.  A number of marriages also go through times of severe turmoil, such as deaths in the family, chronic illnesses, unfaithfulness, or national disasters.  Some marriages hold strong during any ups and downs; others begin to disintegrate.  For any marriage in crisis, however, online marital counselling can help.

Each couple’s marriage is, of course, unique.  Therefore, the way in which that couple deals with problems and issues will be unique.  However, there are several signs which are common to all marriages, signs which point toward trouble brewing in the marriage.  The earlier a couple begins to recognize the signs, the earlier the couple can begin marriage counselling.  And, the sooner the couple starts counselling, the better the couple’s chances of saving their marriage.

Here are the common warning signs of a marriage that is likely headed toward crisis:

• They bicker, nag, and nitpick a great deal.

• They don’t fight fairly.

• They tend to spend a good deal of time apart, doing activities separately because that is more fun than spending time together.

• They don’t talk about problems together.  One member of the couple may be unaware of household issues or problems with the children that the other couple member handles, for instance.

• They no longer agree on long-term goals and values, either for themselves or for the family as a whole.

• They have a low level of intimacy or none.

• They don’t talk much.  The two members of the couple may be unaware of significant events or happenings at each other’s workplaces, for example.

Online marriage counselling can help couples who are having any of the above issues.  Counselling can also assist couples who are in crisis for other reasons.  There is no reason for a couple to stay in an unhappy marriage; yet people who head straight for separation or divorce without trying to first make the marriage work through the use of marital counselling may be throwing in the towel without giving their marriage a fair chance.

Professional marriage counsellors have experience in working with couples who have gone through all types of difficulties.  Counsellors can assist couples in dealing with infidelity, spending issues, problems with family and children, differences in faith, and much more.

Couples who take part in online marriage counselling learn the following:

• How to resolve conflict through effective listening
• How to state needs clearly and openly without anger or resentment
• How to get what is needed in the marriage without making demands
• How to work through unresolved issues in the marriage
• How to understand the needs of both members of the couple and how to meet those needs

Online marriage counselling works best if couples start as soon as they begin having problems in their marriage.  A marriage in crisis can be helped with online marital counselling; however, if a couple waits too long to seek counselling, their chances of saving their marriage may not be as great. Good luck!

Saturday, 1 January 2011

Cheaters - How Can I Save Our Relationship?

Anytime there are cheaters involved in relationships, the parties end up asking themselves, "How can I save our relationship?" There are many questions and luckily, just as many answers. All relationships can be saved but, especially when cheating is involved, it takes time. Also, by the time you reach the point that you are ready to save your relationship, you may actually decide that you do not want to save it.

When a relationship ends there is always pain and sadness. When a relationship ends because of cheating, the biggest hurdle to deal with is the mistrust. Once trust has been broken, it is extremely hard to bring back. It may never be fully restored. Although some individuals can put it behind them, others are so impacted by the loss of trust that they can never forgive.

The first step you need to take is to talk it through. This can take days or even months but you need to do what it necessary to save the relationship. It's important that both of you are completely open and honest about your mistakes and feelings. Discuss what lead up to the affair. Although whoever had the fair may take the brunt of the blame, both partners must be willing to own up to their mistakes. The person who has been cheated on will want to know why and the cheater must be honest about his/her answer. You may be surprised to learn that most people end up having affairs without actually going out and looking for them. Someone may come along at a time that they are feeling empty in the relationship and this other person fills the need that hadn't been met for a long time. If the cheating episode in your partnership resembles this "unintentional" affair, you can definitely work on getting your relationship back. If the affair was intentionally sought out, then you probably want to consider moving on.

Communication is important in any relationship, even if it is relatively healthy, but especially when an affair has taken place. If you can communicate in a rational way without getting too emotional, it is better but this can be hard, especially in the beginning. Try not to accuse, threaten, or be aggressive. If you try to look at your relationship as something that needs fixing, you can work on how to do that.

Getting back to the question of “Cheaters-how can I save our relationship?” there isn't an overnight solution but there are step by step methods that you can follow. And remember, because there is such a lack of trust, especially n the beginning along with other feelings like guilt, betrayal, anger and depression, you need to be very careful in how you communicate with each other. This doesn't mean that you need to be dishonest in order to be "nice" but that you do need to try to put yourself in the other person's shoes as well.

Thursday, 30 December 2010

Free Advice on How to Get Your Ex Back


Are you looking for free advice on how to get your ex back? Well, you're in luck because you can definitely find a lot of it out there on the internet. Almost everyone has gone through a damaged relationship at one point or another and many are eager to share what they did to cope or win back their loved ones. Strategies differ from one person to the next and what works for someone else may not work for you. But there are some common factors that many experts agree on.

First of all, when you have broken up, you need to stay broken up for a while. This means as little contact as possible and of course, no begging, pleading and promising to make things better. Take some time off. It is what both of you need. If you do have to see each other because of unavoidable circumstances such as work or the kids, be friendly but do not get involved in any conversations that stray towards your past relationship.

Next, take this time off to focus on yourself. Stop thinking about your ex and how to win them back. Instead, think about how you can improve yourself both inside and out. If you've let yourself slide because of the relationship stresses, this is the time to put yourself back together. Make sure you are eating right and not drinking too much alcohol or abusing any other substances. You definitely want to be taking time out to exercise. Now that you are single, you have that time. Get involved in certain groups or volunteer programs. And make sure that you get out of the house with some friends every once in a while, even if you don't feel like it. Finally, getting enough sleep is crucial to your health. People who get enough sleep don’t tend to eat more and be overweight and look older.

What is the purpose of this type of free advice on how to get your ex back? It is all geared towards getting yourself back first. Chances are you've lost a little bit of that during your relationship struggles. Once you've re-established your self confidence and self esteem, you will be ready to once again approach your ex with the intention of getting back together. How long does it take? This also varies but generally you can tell when you're ready because getting him/her back will suddenly not seem so extremely urgent.

Then and only then should you try to make contact with your ex. Invite him or her for coffee or something that doesn't require too much time or commitment on either side. From here on is where the free advice on how to get your ex back will start to vary again. But once you've gotten to this point, you may be able to rely on your own heart and new-found confidence to guide you through.