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Saturday 27 August 2011

Fixing a Broken Marriage Steps

When it comes to fixing a broken marriage, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that no matter how screwed up the marriage is it can be fixed. This will only work, though, if both parties are 100% committed to doing whatever it takes to make it work. Both parties have to understand and accept that it will take time and work and they have to be mature enough to face up to some of their own flaws. If you are both at that place you have an excellent chance of working things out. 
The bad news is that if the problems are serious and /or both of you aren't willing to work hard and find a solution; the odds of fixing a broken marriage go down significantly. It's not impossible, but so much more difficult.
So step one would be to honestly asses where you and your partner are. Are both of you mature enough to face up to the issues and stick with it long enough to find a solution? If so, go on to step two. If not, ask yourself why you want to save the marriage. People will usually answer that with "I love them" but sometimes that just isn't enough.
 If you try fixing a broken marriage single handed, it's very easy to fall into the trap of becoming a door mat to your partner. If they are so selfish that they won't work with you to save the marriage, it's almost a guarantee that they will try to take advantage of all the hard work you are doing.
Step two would be to figure out what is going on. What are the problems and issues that the two of you are dealing with? What needs to be done to fix them? Do the two of you just seem to be drifting apart? If so... why? What has changed? Do you now have kids and find it harder to really connect with each other and care for the kids? Has one of you taken on a new more stress filled job and it's affecting your home life?
Once you identify what the issues are you have a much better chance of fixing a broken marriage in an effective way. Don't let the clutter of day to day life confuse you. That's not the real problem in most cases. Figure out the real bottom line problems and then work together on a solution.
Sometimes finding someone to help you sort it all out can work wonders. Finding a therapist or counsellor to help you figure it all out can be a great help. If nothing else, a counsellor can act as a sort of referee so the two of you don't get too upset and start fighting. If you do, nothing will ever get worked out.
Remember, you can't fix something until you figure out just what is broken and it's no different when you are trying to fixing a broken marriage. If you don't pinpoint what the problem is, you can't fix it so that is the first thing you have to do.
How can you mend a broken heart? Check out the best relationship manual on the web... Click Here... and watch a FREE video from an ordinary guy that has helped 50000+ couples find happiness and lasting love!

How to Fix Your Marriage the Easy Way

What are some reasons you would have to fix your marriage? It does not matter how long a couple has been married; problems can arise at any time. If life gets in the way, the two of you need to stop and take a step back. Take some time to re-evaluate the things that are important in your lives.
The most important factor in any relationship is the ability of the two people involved to communicate effectively. When communication breaks down you will find the relationship is in trouble. Ineffective communication can lead to misunderstandings. Misunderstandings can lead to hurt feelings and resentments. Hurt feelings and resentments can lead to divorce. So if you do not want to give all of your money to a couple of lawyers you need to learn how to fix your marriage.
The first thing you need to do to fix your marriage... is to figure out what went wrong and you need to work together to accomplish this. So, if you can stand to be in the same room with each other, make plans to sit down and talk. Have a notepad and pen available so you can each write down what your perceptions are about your relationship and when you think things began to sour and why. When your list is made, compare them. In doing this you can start to gather some insight into how your partner's perception of the same situation differs from yours. These differences should help open the lines of communication and get you both talking and the state of your marriage should begin to get clearer.
I know what it's like to have hurt feelings in a relationship. The logical progression of things means that the next step is laying blame on the other. Then, everything begins to snowball and eventually you can't even recognize the relationship because of all the baggage it is buried under.
If you seriously want to fix your marriage you should consider hiring a therapist. Usually when a couple gets to this point in their marriage, there is so much resentment and anger that it's hard for them to be in the same room together without it turning into a fight. How are you going to discuss the issues in your marriage and make any progress when the two of you are so mired down in your pain and resentment?
In most cases you aren't. Having a counsellor to act as a referee can help the two of you keep moving forward to find the solutions you need.  If you keep fighting you won’t ever get anywhere. So having a counsellor helping may make all the difference. 
The longer you allow the problems in your marriage to fester, the longer it will take to address those problems and find a solution. Do yourself a favour and realize that it is possible to fix your marriage but it will take time, patience and love. Don't expect it to happen overnight or with no time and effort. Just let love be your guide.
How can you mend a broken heart? Check out the best relationship manual on the web... Click Here... and watch a FREE video from an ordinary guy that has helped 50000+ couples find happiness and lasting love!

Thursday 25 August 2011

How to Save Marriage from Divorce Before It’s Too Late!

How to save marriage from divorce... if your marriage has gotten totally out of control, the first thing to do is regain that control. The only way you will be able to make the marriage work is if everything stays calm, cool, and collected. Keeping your heads in times of difficulty is vital to keeping the lines of communication open. As soon as communication breaks down then everything is lost and you will struggle to get it back.
The first thing you need to do is figure out what is going on. As soon as you do that then you can figure out how to fix it. What do the two of you fight about all the time? Money? Money is the number one reason people fight and marriages end.
When you first meet and fall in love everything is wonderful, it seems as if the two of you were made for each other and you decide to get married. After the wedding you try to combine your lives into one and unless you both learn to compromise, this is where resentments and misunderstandings can start to creep in.
Then what happens? Life comes front and centre and instead of spending all your time together just being in love, you have to deal with work, the bills, the kids, the house and the garden and all of a sudden there is no time for the two of you. You barely kiss goodnight before falling into a erratic sleep that does nothing to relieve the exhaustion that you feel.
Some ways to save marriage from divorce include making time for the two of you at least once a week. Plan a date night every week and do not let anything get in the way. Ask grandma and grandpa to watch the kids and go to dinner and a movie or spend the night in a hotel room and just reconnect. Order room service and have your dinner in bed. Leave the TV off and only call once to check in with the kids, and then turn the phone off. Get a real good dose of each other so when you have to face reality again the next day you will be fortified against the world and its perils.
If money is a real problem, figure out how to bring more money in or figure out how to spend less. Cut out unnecessary items and buy only what you need. As soon as you get your feet back underneath you the sooner you can relax and stop worrying about money all the time. Try to stay positive and positive things will happen. Small changes can make big differences in your day to day lives. Get back to basics, the latest iPhone is just stuff and doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. People make you happy not stuff!
If you find that these things are still ineffective then by all means see a therapist. The love you have for each other is worth it and a good therapist can shed some new light on your marriage and help you breathe new life into it. Seeing a therapist can be one of the ways to save marriage from divorce.
How can you mend a broken heart? Check out the best relationship manual on the web... Click Here... and watch a FREE video from an ordinary guy that has helped 50000+ couples find happiness and lasting love!

Wednesday 24 August 2011

Healing A Broken Heart – How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?

How can you mend a broken heart? Do you want to know what can be done to make healing a broken heart faster and less painful? Believe it or not, there are a few things that can be done to speed up the procedure a little bit, but unfortunately, some pain is unavoidable.
One of the main mistakes people make when they are trying to move on after a painful breakup is to set a time limit. Often, well meaning friends will say 'pull yourself together', or 'plenty of fish in the sea'. But what do they know? It will take you as long as it takes. If you rush through the procedure without allowing yourself time to grieve and process everything that's happened, you could end up with a lot of nasty emotional baggage that can drag you down into a lonely abyss.
So, as odd as it sounds, in order to be able to have healthy relationships in the future, make sure you deal with all the hurt and pain in the present. That doesn't mean that there aren't some things you can do while you're healing a broken heart that will make it a little easier and seem to go by a little faster.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to live your life. I know, that sounds a bit daft when your heart has been ripped out, stomped on and placed in an emotional blender, but it's possible and vitally important to carry on living life.
No one is suggesting that you go out and date, you shouldn't. Not until you're fully over the pain and confusion of a breakup and you can be sure that you are ready to date and not just dating because you are lonely. You don't want to get into a rebound relationship. It's not good for you or the person you get involved with.
But, you can and should spend time doing the things you love to do. True, since you are still hurting you probably won't get the same level of happiness when you do them that you used to, but you may just be surprised to find yourself actually laughing and having fun... at least for a little while. Distraction is the key to getting through any heart aches.
More than likely there are things that you used to love to do that you didn't do with your ex. Your ex simply wasn't interested in doing them and you just wanted to spend time with your ex so you stopped doing them too. That's very prevalent. So... why not do them now? What activity or place did you enjoy before you and your ex got together? What things have you put on the back burner while you were in a relationship? Do those things now. It can make you feel a lot better to remind yourself that you have a great life and you have a lot of options in that life.
Do activities that are positive and that will help you resume your life and move forward. It doesn't have to be anything huge, maybe just paint your living room, but as long as you continue to get out and live while you are healing a broken heart you'll be less focused on your pain and more focused on life... and that can make the healing process go by so much more quickly. Sometimes when we turn a corner it leads us somewhere wonderful. Be positive!
How can you mend a broken heart? Check out the best relationship manual on the web... Click Here... and watch a FREE video from an ordinary guy that has helped 50000+ couples find happiness and lasting love!

Tuesday 23 August 2011

Can You Save Your Marriage Alone?

Wow, nothing is worse than being in a marriage that is falling apart right in front of you and knowing that your partner isn't going to try to work with you to fix things.  It's not easy to save your marriage alone, but is it possible if you are willing to put in all the work? The answer to that question is: of course!
The really vital thing you have to keep in mind is that sometimes we get so fixed in on one goal that we never stop to ask ourselves if the goal is worthwhile. This happens all the time in marriages. One or the other feels the marriage falling apart and they decide they have to save it at all costs. They get so fixed on that outcome that they never really stop to ask themselves if they should save it.
It might be difficult to hear, and many religions don't say it, but not all marriages should be saved. Sometimes there are simply too many problems to conquer. This is particularly true if one partner has a problem. Just look at the recent spate of celebrity divorces due to unfaithfulness. 
If a partner is unfaithful once and truly and sincerely regrets it, the marriage may be saved (it won't be easy, but it is achievable) but if it's a situation where one partner has cheated pretty much from day one of the marriage with multiple partners than that is symptomatic of a very severe mental problem and it's going to take a long, long time for that to be overcome, and it can only be overcome if that person really wants to alter.
In this scenario ending the pain and suffering of the non-philandering spouse is the most important consideration. The marriage probably shouldn't be saved at all, if you're in this situation it's not going to be easy to save your marriage alone.
Another example: I have a friend who is a great wife and mother. Her husband is an alcoholic. He refuses to admit he has a problem or get any help. My friend wants her marriage to work and she wants to stay together, but unless her husband is willing to alter even if she does stay... it's going to be a very dreadful marriage and not a good example to her children.
You don't want your children growing up seeing one parent being disrespectful and abusive and the other parent being a spineless person and allowing themselves to be treated that way. It can really teach the children very bad ideas of what a marriage should be like. It's sometimes better to move on and with a bit of luck find someone who can be a good parent. That will show the children the right way to treat a spouse in these circumstances.
If you really want to save your marriage alone, you need to think it through circumspectly. If your spouse doesn't care about you or the marriage enough to try to save it, what are you really trying to save?  A good marriage will never be perfect but it should be fairly well balanced where each partner is giving as much as they are getting.
How can you mend a broken heart? Check out the best relationship manual on the web... Click Here... and watch a FREE video from an ordinary guy that has helped 50000+ couples find happiness and lasting love!

Marriage Counseling Questions and Answers

What questions are the most common marriage counseling questions your therapist will ask you during your sessions? Probably the most important question you will be asked is, "Why are you here?" Now, you might think to yourself that the answer to this question is a big, "DUH!" But, the therapist cannot hear you think and needs to find out exactly why you have come to see them to devise a plan to help the two of you particular to your issues.
Problems can rear their ugly heads at any time during a relationship and sometimes can cause such pressure and strife that you just have no clue as to how to handle them. These are the times when a counselor can be helpful. Instead of thinking that the relationship is over it is best to get another view and try to save the marriage.
Once the issues are out in the open, your therapist will ask more marriage counseling questions like, "Which issue do you think you need to start working on first to help save the marriage?" The two of you may have different issues that you deem most significant and the counselor may suggest that they see the two of you individually for a time and then bring you both together for couples counseling.
When the two of you are brought collectively to talk to each other you will be monitored closely by the therapist and will be required to follow some basics. The therapist will tell you to try hard not to play the blame game. This may be difficult to do especially if the biggest issue you have as a couple is some form of unfaithfulness.
Most marriages do not survive unfaithfulness. More power to you if you think you can forgive and forget and work though it. Coming out the other side better for the experience is very tricky to accomplish and I have just one thing to say. Good luck, you will need it.
You may ask your therapist if they think that the marriage can be saved with marriage counseling questions. They will be able to give you a better answer to that question once they get to know you and your spouse and the severity of the problems between you. If you are willing to do the work, anything is possible.
Your counselor will help you wade through all the mess that has built up over time and get right down to the essentials of what is really the issue causing all the trouble in your relationship. This is vital because if there are long-standing problems then you may not even know or remember what started it all and there can be a lot of bewilderment about the real reason there is trouble.
Sometimes asking hard-hitting marriage counseling questions is the only way to get down to the root cause of the trouble in your marriage and also the only way to repair a broken relationship. So be prepared to take a good long look at yourself and your spouse and your relationship.
How can you mend a broken heart? Check out the best relationship manual on the web... Click Here... and watch a FREE video from an ordinary guy that has helped 50000+ couples find happiness and lasting love!

Monday 22 August 2011

How to Save My Marriage from Impending Doom!

Are you asking the question: how to save my marriage? In many cases the longer the problems are allowed to grow, the bitterness and fury are allowed to build up, the harder it can be to pull your relationship back from the precipice. It can be difficult, but it's not unattainable.
There are several things you'll need to have in place if you want your marriage to work and the first one is a burning desire to make it work. And it's not enough for just one of you to have that; you both need to have it.  If one or the other of you is indifferent, or worse, doesn't want to, save the marriage, there really isn't much that can be done. A marriage is a partnership; if you both aren't working together it's not going to work.
Step one to answer the question: how to save my marriage... is to make sure you are both willing to put in the time and effort. Step two is finding the exact issues that are plaguing you and finding solutions to them. It's easy to think that your wife gets mad at you for leaving the toilet seat up or not putting your socks in the hamper, and while those things probably do annoy her, it's not the reason your marriage is falling apart. They just add to the resentment, hurt and anger your wife is feeling because of something that you've said or done.
The same holds true if your husband yells at you because you burnt his dinner or his shirts aren't getting clean enough in the wash.
Step two to answer the question: how to save my marriage... in order to really make things better you both need to determine what the real problems are... and fix those.  Try to cut through all the excess issues and focus in on the real issues.  Do the two of you really talk? Do you really know how to express love, affection, anxiety, or hurt in productive ways? Most people don't. Until you can learn these skills you will continue to be misunderstood and frustrated. If neither of you knows how to communicate productively you'll both feel alienated, frustrated, hurt and angry.  That will not get you anywhere you want to go.
Step three to answer the question: how to save my marriage... is to find someone who can help you get to the point where you both know how to communicate honestly how you are feeling. If you do it the right way, your partner is much less likely to get angry and defensive. Part of learning to communicate is to know what to say as well as how to say it.  If you say things in such a way as to make it sound like you are accusing your partner, or blaming them, than all you're going to accomplish is to make your partner mad and they will lash out at you. Before you know it, the two of you are in a brawl and no one 'wins'.
A good counsellor can help steer the two of you in the right direction and help you each stay calm. They can teach both of you how to express yourself in a constructive manner that will increase the chances of being heard and decrease the chances of getting in a fight.
This deceptively simple three step process can answer the question: how to save my marriage from impending doom!
How can you mend a broken heart? Check out the best relationship manual on the web... Click Here... and watch a FREE video from an ordinary guy that has helped 50000+ couples find happiness and lasting love!

Answering the Question of Why Do I Want My Ex Back

Going through a break up is one of the toughest things that people have to go through as part of their lives. People get hurt, and it can be hard to face each new day. However, as time passes, we start to miss our ex, and it gets to a point where we want them back so much, that we start to question ourselves, we want to know "Why do I want my ex back?"
While such a question may play tricks with your head, you should know that it is perfectly reasonable, and that many other people have asked the same question. It is not a sign that you are going crazy, far from it. Your friends keep telling you that you should just move on and forget about your ex, and you agree with them, at least on the surface. But deep down... you keep hearing that little voice telling you to try to get back with your ex. However, there are a few things to think about before you take the next step.
We are working under the assumption that you are asking "why do I want my ex back?" No problem. The first thing you should do is consider what you have just gone through. Remember, a break up can cause problems with your emotions, and prevent you from thinking as clearly as you normally would. This doesn't mean your thoughts are right or wrong, but you should look at them closely to see how you really feel, and what the real cause of those feelings are.
Chances are that the both of you didn't meet and instantly have a deep, meaningful relationship; it just doesn't happen. Especially if either one of you had been hurt before. Relationships typically take time to grow and develop. They also take some work and a certain level of compromise. Needless to say, putting this amount of effort into something, only to see it fail can be devastating. In other words, you don't really want your ex back, what you really want is for the relationship to work out. After all, you have a part of your heart and soul invested into it.
After you have taken some time to consider why you want your ex back, it's time to take action. There are really only two choices you have at this stage. You may decide that your mind is playing tricks on you, and that you don't really want them back. In this case all you need to do is live with those thoughts and let them eventually subside. Your other choice is to accept that your mind is ending you the right message and that you really do want your ex back. If this is your choice, then you have your work cut out for you.
You will have to contact your ex and let them know how you feel. You will have to try to patch things up and show them that it can work out this time. There are changes you'll have to make, but if you are serious about getting back together, it won't be too difficult. By following the above advice you will be able to answer the question of "why do I want my ex back" by saying, "I'm glad we're back together."
How can you mend a broken heart? Check out the best relationship manual on the web... Click Here... and watch a FREE video from an ordinary guy that has helped 50000+ couples find happiness and lasting love!