Dealing with Jealousy in Relationships

We all know that jealousy is a negative force that is never a good thing. It can ruin your relationship especially when unfounded claims of infidelity are made towards your lover. Dealing with jealousy in relationships is difficult but you must deal with it if you are to have a successful and fulfilling relationship.

Jealousy in relationships is always born of insecurity and this can be caused by you being let down all the time when you were young. This is the hardest to correct. Because it is ingrained and you lack the ability to trust anyone so you assume at some point this great relationship you have will turn sour and your partner will let you down. It’s very hard for you to conquer this when all the evidence through your life has made you think that nobody can be trusted. You lack faith in the human race and who can blame you if you have been miss-treated so badly for so long?

The other type of insecurity causing jealousy in a relationship is the behaviour of your partner. Sometimes people struggle to give themselves totally to their lover and hold a certain amount back emotionally. This comes across as being either secretive or indifferent or both, making for what we call a semi-committed relationship. When one partner is semi-committed and the other totally committed it generally makes for a bumpy ride. Relationships are hard to sustain sometimes and you both need to be totally committed for it to work on a level that will make both of you happy. The fact that your lover is semi-committed doesn’t mean they will be unfaithful but it does unease us as partners if we aren’t getting back what we give.

The answer as with most things in relationships is communication and the way we interact with one another. Tact is the key within the communication. You cannot accuse anyone of anything unless you have concrete evidence as this is always very damaging when you get it wrong. The percentage of divorces in the USA caused by infidelity is 41% which means 59% of divorces had nothing to do with infidelity or being disloyal, just people that are not compatible, too young or probably a lack of communication somewhere down the line.

So infidelity isn’t as wide spread as you may think... so why let jealousy in a relationship ruin your relationship? You must learn to trust and give your lover the benefit of the doubt until they do something outrageously obvious and disloyal. History shows us that when people have an affair the person they have an affair with will generally want more of that person and invariably ends up confronting  their lover’s wife or husband trying to initiate a split or divorce . Now that’s what you call real evidence, if your partner is having an affair you will find out eventually.

In dealing with jealousy the art is not to look for betrayal as this will just drive you crazy worrying about something that may or may not happen. Don’t convict your partner of a crime they haven’t even thought of committing. You have heard the expression “give a man enough rope” this is the best strategy for a healthy relationship. Enjoy your relationship and communicate your feelings without accusing and make it damn difficult for your partner to want anyone else. Always make them feel special, more special than anyone else can. We love people for the way they make us feel and if someone starts to make us feel like we have to justify our every move and remark, we will eventually want away.

Unless you have overwhelming evidence that your partner is being unfaithful, trust, love and cherish them as best you can. Don’t spend your life worrying about things you cannot change or control, life is too short. Enjoy the ride and if it crashes, be strong, brush yourself off and get right back on again.

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How to Stop a Break Up in its Tracks

If you find that your relationship is on the rocks than you are probably wondering how to stop a break up.  There are so many things you can do, but the exact steps you will take will depend on what the problems are in your relationship and how well the two of you will work together.

Neither of you can do it all on our own. You must accept that the two of you must be on the same page. If one of you is not sure that you want to save the relationship than it won't work. You have got to be sure that saving the relationship is the number 1 priority... for you both.

There is one very difficult step you must take, it must be your very first step... and it isn't going to be easy. You have to honestly evaluate if you and your partner are both really willing to work on your relationship.

This is the problem many people will fail to acknowledge. There are many relationships that simply are not healthy and might be beyond repair. 

It's extremely important that both people are willing to work on the relationship if it is going to be saved. One person cannot do it all on their own, no matter how much they may want to.

If you and your partner are not both equally engaged in saving the relationship, you may need to just move on. It's very common for one person to do more of the heavy lifting emotionally in a relationship. The other person will just allow themselves to be pampered and catered to simply because they know that they don't care as much as their partner about the outcome of the relationship.

This is a dangerous and unhealthy relationship. If you find you and your partner have this type of imbalance in your relationship the first thing you must do is to find a therapist and get some therapy.

If this is the situation, it is highly unlikely that the two of you will be able to make the changes that are necessary to save your relationship. You simply don't have the tools and more than likely the dynamic has been so ingrained in the two of you that it will be virtually impossible to change without help, guidance and support.

Now, if the two of you are healthy, grown up adults the two of you will have a much easier time of making your relationship work. 

The two of you must be able and willing to each carry your fair share of the weight. You must each be willing to face up to your own flaws and be willing to make the necessary changes. That is a tall order for many people. And to be honest, many people simply won't be able to live up to that much of a commitment.

If you find yourself trying to find ways to learn how to stop a break up than the best thing you can do is to be honest with yourself about who you are, who your partner is and what you are each willing to do to save your relationship.

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Saving A Marriage, What’s The Secret?

What are the best steps to take for saving a marriage?  It just depends on what the problems are and how hard both of you are willing to work to make things better. There are no easy answers or quick fixes. Nothing worth having ever came easy!

One of the first things you need to ask yourself and one of the hardest things to answer honestly, is whether or not your spouse really wants to be in this marriage (or at least wants to be in it badly enough to be willing to make some changes). You can’t do this alone and to stand any chance of success you need to work together. That may sound odd, but a lot of marriage problems start because of unrealistic expectations. It's very common that both people in the marriage won't be on the same page. One person will actually care a whole lot more about keeping things together than their spouse.

As long as the one who cares the most is willing to turn a blind eye to the indifference of their spouse and carry more than their fair share of the weight in a marriage, things might go along pretty smoothly.  But sooner or later the one who is doing all the work will start to make demands on their spouse and resent the lack of help they are getting. In a lot of cases this is the point where the marriage really starts to suffer (not that it was really healthy to begin with but if one spouse is getting their own way all the time at least they are happy and don't tend to rock the boat as much).

It's very important to honestly assess whether or not this is the scenario in your marriage. If it is, you might be better off just leaving and finding a true lover, otherwise you will have to do all the work and that will get annoying eventually. If you and your spouse are both grownups and able to communicate and are both willing to carry your fair share of the weight in the marriage, than you have a chance at making things work out. This is what it will take to save your marriage.

One person cannot do it all on their own, it takes a partnership. Even with a partnership you may still want to find someone to help you both learn how to establish a different and better dynamic in your marriage. You can opt to go to a therapist, you can find a lot of self help information online and off, or you can just sort it out yourselves. It's up to you but as long as you are both willing to put in the time and work you can make your marriage the type that you really want.

Whenever you have two people in a marriage who are really willing to try to make changes and work together to make things better, you will almost always find that saving a marriage is possible and even likely. This is the secret: both of you have to want it and be willing to work for it.

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