Relationship Questions to Ask Yourself in a Bad Relationship

If you have someone close to you who questions your relationship, do yourself a favour and listen. More often than not your mother, or sister, or best friend will see signs that you know are there, even though you deny it. No one should subject themselves to a bad relationship, life is just too short.

I guess when it comes right down to it my first bit of advice would be to stay out of bad relationships in the first place. I know many people reading this would say, ‘well I didn't know until I was in love’.  That may be true, I don't know you or your situation, but I can say that in the case of one of my friends and my sister, who are both in awful relationships that would be a lie.

The truth is that almost always the signs are there very early on. We just choose to ignore them, and usually for the wrong reasons. We usually ignore them because we don't want to be alone or the person looks really hot, etc. for dumb reasons. And before we know it we're in over our heads and feel trapped and unsure of what to do.

The good news is that there are things you can do.  Here are a few relationship questions to ask yourself in a bad relationship:

1. Of course, for the purpose of this article, when I talk about a bad relationship I don't mean an abusive one. I just mean that the two of you aren't compatible and don't get along.  If there is abuse going on find help, go to a shelter, go to visit out of town friends, whatever you have to do to get away and be safe.

If, it's not that dire, try to determine (be honest) if the two of you can work on things and make them better. Sometimes the troubles in a relationship are minor and we can easily fix them as long as both parties are willing to try. If you truly think your partner might be willing to give it a try, than by all means give it a try.

2. Sometimes when one partner starts questioning the relationship, and suggesting that the two of you make changes, the other partner will start to get scared and suggest that the two of you take it to the next level. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but it happens. If you start noticing the flaws in your partner or the relationship your partner may start to feel unsure of them self and in order to keep you they might try to lock you in tighter by suggesting that you get married or move in together.

Don't be fooled. If your partner does this it means they are trying to avoid the real issue and they're trying to manipulate you and play on your emotions. Truthfully, if that happens, it should make you question the relationship even more, not less.

So, if someone you know and trust questions the relationship you’re in, than you should ask yourself some relationship questions. They are only looking out for you and they are more often than not, right to be concerned.

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Do Affair Relationships Last

Do affair relationships last? If your relationship has started off as an affair and the two of you are wondering if you should leave your spouses and try to make a go of your relationship, you have to carefully consider the consequences of such an action.

It's very tough to keep a relationship going if it has started off by both of you lying and cheating. For one thing you're both going to have a real problem trusting each other. I mean, you both know that you've both cheated, how can you ever really be sure that you won't each cheat on each other?  Even if the two of you can overcome that, there are still all the other issues to consider.

For one thing, are there kids involved?  This is by far the hardest situation to work through. No one wants to hurt their kids and it will be virtually impossible for the kids to ever feel warm fuzzes for the person who broke their other parent's heart (at least that's the way the kids will see it. More than likely they'll let their cheating parent largely off the hook and blame the other man/woman).

Even if there aren't kids involved, you have to remember that this relationship is just like any other: it starts off hot and passionate, but can you keep that alive? Your marriages probably started off that way too and look where that is.

One of the biggest reasons the two of you felt so free in the first place was because you didn't share any responsibilities.  The day to day grind is almost always what slowly works its way between couples and causes the problems. You have to be realistic enough to recognize that the very same thing will happen between the two of you over time. Your brand new 'soul mate' may not seem so brand new in five or ten years... just like your spouse.

Of course, having considered all of these facts there still remains one question you have to ask yourself, do you still love your spouse? If you can honestly say that you just don't feel love for your spouse (and I'm not talking about the fireworks, tingling toes feeling that always fades and changes in any relationship) than despite the pain it will cause you might be doing them a favour in the long run by leaving.

If it comes to that, it's best for everyone involved if you don't let them know that the catalyst for the breakup is your affair. That is one secret you should keep to yourself. Just let your spouse know that the marriage is over and be as compassionate as possible.

Do affair relationships last? Generally not! But if the two of you have decided that even though you met in the wrong way, you still have a deep love for each other and that your marriages have been over for a long time, you might as well give it a go.  Just keep the fact that you got together while you were still married to other people, just between the two of you. No need to cause unnecessary pain to others. Take it slow and make sure you really are in love and are compatible or you will end up back here again.

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Dealing with Infidelity in Marriage

Let's face facts, not all marriages should be saved.  Sometimes the two partners’ just aren't well-matched and just can't make things right. At other times there are real issues such as dealing with infidelity in marriage, which can be almost impossible to move past.

If you or your spouse has been unfaithful but you both feel that there is still something in the relationship worth saving, it's time for a self assessment. Don't think that the road to save your marriage will be smooth or short. You had better prepare for a rough ride, as you’re going to have a much better chance of dealing with infidelity in marriage if you enlist the help of a professional therapist to help clear the path, as much as possible.

Here are a few things to keep in mind when dealing with infidelity in marriage:

1. If the person who committed the adultery is a serial cheater, why stay at all? Come on, who are you kidding? No matter how much you may love them, they are flawed. They aren't ever going to change they are just going to make your life miserable at best, and at worst they'll bring some nasty disease home and clear out your bank account and then leave!

If this was a one time lapse in judgment, and let's be honest, in the right circumstances any of us could have one, than you might have a chance but only if the offending party is truly sorry and will, or already has, stopped seeing the other person. If they won't commit 100% to making things work, it won't work. Again, it's best to leave.

2. As hard as it may be to face, it might help if the two of you could talk openly about what they found so irresistible in the other person. It's going to hurt, but the reality is that people don't cheat for sex, though that is part of it, they cheat because they get something from the other person that they don't get from their spouse.

Sometimes it can be something 'real' like feeling needed or loved. Other times it's not 'real' it's childish, like feeling like they are the only one that matters in the relationship. Finding out what the attraction was might help the two of you recapture something that has been lost in your relationship; something that you may not even have realized was gone.

3. It’s very important to the long term health of your relationship that the person who was cheated on can find a way to not throw it up in their partner's face every time there is a fight. And that will be hard. But unless you can truly forgive and forget, dealing with infidelity in marriage won't work out.

On the other side of the coin, the person who strayed must understand that it can take a lifetime for their partner to really ever trust them again. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

Also, the person who strayed has to own it, period. Now is not the time to blame your spouse and use the classic line: "my wife/husband just doesn't understand me".  B.S. You are every bit as guilty, maybe more so, in the failing of your marriage as your spouse. Don't blame your weakness and the fact that you cheated on your partner. You did it, period. Own it and you'll be a better person for it. You don’t go out for a burger if you have steak at home!

Dealing with infidelity in marriage can be overcome, but only if the two of you are willing to try, and try hard. Good luck.

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Relationship Break Up Advice - Don’t Let It Beat You

It seems like every time we turn around there is a new book or magazine article about relationship break up advice. The truth is that finding out the best way to deal with a breakup is information virtually every one will need at some point.  Whether you want to try to get your ex back, or just move on with as little pain as possible, it will take time, so make sure you have plenty of very good friends around you.

The length of the relationship will often determine how long it will take you to move on. Most of the time, though not always, the longer the relationship and the more memories and baggage you have the longer it will take for you to stop grieving and feel like you want to meet someone new.  Even if they cheated on you or did something really bad, it will more often than not still take quite a bit of time for you to finally separate from them emotionally.

Even though we may wish we could at times, we can't just flip a switch and turn off all the love and companionship we'd been feeling for such a long time. We will need to edge away slowly, in baby steps, until finally we can stand on our own and we'll have moved on. The first step to this process is to get away, maybe not literally, but figuratively. Put away all the pictures and mementos the two of you collected during your time together. Don't call them or accept their call if they call you. You need space and time.

Everyone is different, for you it might be easier to have some friends come over and pack everything up all at once and put it in the attic.  For others it may be easier to do it in small steps, a little each day until it's all out of sight. There is no wrong way, as long as it gets done, even doing something like redecorating or painting may help you get the fresh perspective that will help you.

If you've been meaning to buy new furniture or paint the wall in the living room, now may be the perfect time. For one thing it will give you something to do, something positive, that will keep you at least a little distracted. Another thing is that you will be changing the look of your environment which will make it a little easier to forget and move on. Making physical changes helps us make emotional changes.

No one is suggesting that a coat of paint on the wall or a new couch will make all the pain go away, but it might give you something else to focus on and take away some of the things that will trigger the painful memories of the two of you watching movies or doing the crossword puzzle on Sunday mornings. Those little memories of the seemingly unimportant times are the toughest to forget.  The best relationship break up advice I can give you is to keep moving forward in life, surround yourself with friends and family and hang in there, it does get better.

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How Can I Get My Husband To Love Me Again?

Sometimes a marriage can be over before it's over.  The two of you may still be together but the warmth, love and camaraderie is gone. At times like this a woman may ask the question: how can I get my husband to love me again?  Answering this question will be easier if the two of you are still together, but not impossible if you aren't.  You have to figure out what caused the marriage to cool and then try to reverse whatever that was. 

If the two of you recently broke up the thing that you feel most like doing is the one thing you absolutely should never do: call your husband (text your husband, IM your husband, etc. ) This is especially important if your husband broke up with you. If you start acting like some sort of crazy stalker lady, at worst you're going to end up with a restraining order against you and at best he'll only think of you as his 'sure thing, backup plan'.  Neither of those are terrific options. Give your husband space.

That doesn't mean that you have to go out and find another guy or hide under your bed.  While you are giving your husband time, take some time for you.  I'm sure that there are things that you wanted to do or liked to do that got put on the back burner while the two of you were together. Now is the time to remember those things and start doing them again.

Most men prefer a woman who is self sufficient and confidant.  Those are probably traits you had at first, it's time to re introduce yourself to those traits and start having fun and doing all the things you meant to do or used to do. Your husband will hear about it through the grapevine and he will be intrigued.  You might just find that your husband is calling you, by resorting to the woman you used to be you are reminding your husband of the woman he fell in love with.  Plus, by keeping yourself busy you aren't allowing yourself time to wallow and obsess.

The same principle can hold true if you and your husband are still together, but just not feeling the love.  Don't make a big issue out of it, just start doing some of the things that you were planning on doing but somehow got sidetracked when you and your husband got together.  Whatever it was, whether it was going back to school, learning to cook, taking a trip... this will remind both of you of the woman you used to be. That can help your husband remember the love he had for you and it can remind you of the person you used to be and make positive changes to be that woman again.

The question: how can I get my husband to love me again, can seem so sad and hopeless. But it doesn't have to be.  There are many things that you can do, many of which are much easier than you may have thought possible, that can help you and your husband rekindle the love the two of you had before.

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How to Make My Husband Love Me Again Before it’s Too Late!

If you’re asking yourself how to make my husband love me again, you have probably just about reached the end of your tether when it comes to your marriage.  It's tough to have to live within a bad marriage, but if you approach things in a healthy way, you may just be able to help re-establish the love and affection the two of you once had.

One thing to keep in mind is that even though you are the one asking the question your husband probably feels the distance between the two of you as well and hopefully will be just as willing as you are to make some changes. If he's not willing you are in for an almost impossible skirmish.

I am in a great marriage now, but the first time around... not so much. My ex husband was very challenging and not very giving. He was what I call an 'emotional cripple'. He was too insecure to be my friend and consider us to be equals (actually we weren't equals, I was much better than he was in virtually all facets of my personality, I just didn't understand it at the time so it was like open season. I know that sounds vain, but it's true).  He would demean me in front of his family and our kids. Thankfully, he finally left with some bimbo he met at a bowling alley. 

So, if your husband is an emotional cripple too, I would recommend you try counselling, though it won't work if he isn't willing to try, but it's a place to begin.

Another thing you need to be careful of is the propensity to over compensate when things start to fall apart. It's a common thing for women to be the healers and that can include a marriage that needs healing.  Women will often try too hard and just come off as needy and pathetic. This can create a vicious cycle where your husband pulls away, you cling to him and he pulls away even more. You get the idea. Don't try to over compensate when problems show up. Just try to calmly talk to him to figure out what's going on.

The other tact that many women take when things start to cool down in their marriage is that they try to protect themselves from the 'inevitable' pains that they think are coming and they pull away too. This can really create trouble.  The best thing for both of you to do is talk, honestly and openly. Discuss what is going on; what each of you is feeling and why you are pulling back.

It may be hard to see with all the silly macho posturing a lot of men do, but they really aren't that dissimilar from us, they just want to be loved and appreciated.  If your husband has started to pull back it could be that he just doesn't feel the warm fuzziness coming from you that he used to.  Maybe it's just that you've been besieged at work or with the kids, but if the two of you can't discuss this issue it can spiral.

The answer to the issue: how to make my husband love me again is; actually, he probably still does but you are both caught up in your own issues and just can't see it. It's time for the two of you to talk, maybe with a counsellor.  Once you do, you'll probably find that you're not that far apart after all.

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How To Make My Wife Love Me Again – The Feel Good Factor!

If you want to know "how to make my wife love me again", than the first thing you have to understand is that you can't 'make' somebody love you. However, there are things that you can do that can remind her of the man she used to love.  Numerous relationships fall into a routine, the longer the two of you have been together, the greater the risk of that happening.

The good news is that you can overcome that issue. One thing you should do is talk to your wife. Ask her if there is a problem.  Many times people will ask their wife what the problem is but if their wife tells them something they don't want to hear they get mad.  If that has happened with you and your wife before, don't be surprised if she just isn't in the mood for a fight so she'll just say there is nothing wrong.  If that's the case, you are going to have to take time to rebuild her trust in you. You will need to show her that you can listen without getting mad.

If she simply doesn't know what the problem is, and if she's just getting bored she may not even realize it herself, than what you need to do is go back in time. OK, not literally. But more than likely if you take the time to think about it, you've altered.  We change many times in our lives and the changes can be so subtle that we may not even realize we're doing it. Try to pinpoint the less than positive changes you've made.

A lot of times it can be something as simple as just not having the dreams we once used to have.  Depending on what your dreams were... that may be ok.  If you always dreamed of being a rock star, it might be best to get over that and find another passion. If your dream was to go to college that is much more attainable and maybe you shouldn't give up on that dream. Those dreams could very well be a part of what attracted your wife to you in the first place.

Another thing that you need to look at is how your attitude toward your wife has changed since the two of you got together?  For example, did you use to compliment your wife on the way she looked, or you made her a special meal once a week, etc.? Do you still do these things?  This type of behaviour, unfortunately, seems to be one of the first things to go in a long term relationship (and then people wonder why the romance has died).

To find out how to make my wife love me again might be a lot easier than you think. In a lot of cases all you have to do is spend some time figuring out the ways you've changed and then try to be more like the man you used to be, the man she fell in love with. This is often all you will need to do. It’s true what they say... “Those that laugh together stay together” if it’s stopped being fun occasionally, you need to make changes and bring the feel good factor back.

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