If you are worried about marriage failure, you must sense that all is not rosy in your own love affair. Don't panic, as most marriages go through periods where it seems that the divorce courts are getting nearer but it doesn't have to end this way.
If you have children, you need to get a babysitter. Make a date with your husband away from your home. Go to a restaurant or bar as being in public reduces the risk of your conversation turning into a full scale row. However, leave the booze alone unless of course you have something to celebrate at the end of the day. It is difficult enough to discuss the issues or problems you are facing in your relationship without having an alcohol induced haze to fight as well.
It is important to take this discussion to neutral territory for a number of reasons. For one thing you have a duty to protect your kids from seeing the worst of the arguments between mom and dad. Now don't get me wrong. Your children will benefit from seeing their parents have mutual disagreements as that is life - bringing kids up to believe that the world is a happy place all the time is just silly and in the long term detrimental to their well being. But you need to show them that married couples can argue and remain happily involved. They can disagree but come to a solution together without getting abusive or making appointments with divorce lawyers.
Before you go to this date make a list of all the things you love about your partner and all the things that drive you nuts. Hopefully the first list will be longer! Also try reading a couple of self help relationship counselling books as these can really help you to put things into perspective. I highly recommend reading the Magic of Making Up as it has saved countless marriages and relationships.
When you do go on your date, be careful how you approach your other half. If you start the evening off with “I hate it when" or "look at this list I made of all the reasons you annoy me" you are doomed to failure. You don't want to attack your partner. Ok, you may be angry and you may even have plenty of justification for being very angry but think about what you are trying to achieve.
You do not want your relationship to be another marriage failure statistic. Virtually any relationship can be saved if both parties want it to happen. You may have to persuade your partner that it is worth saving what you have. You will both have to work hard and the next few months may well be the most difficult you have yet encountered in the history of your relationship. But when you get through it you will find that your marriage is stronger and happier than it ever was. Now isn't that worth fighting for?
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