Wow, what a mess. I'm still in love with my ex but my ex says he's not. What should I do? If that sounds like you... you aren't alone. You'd be astonished at how many people still carry a torch for their ex. And no matter what your ex says, it's very likely that they still care about you too. But how can you find out, should you call them and let them know? Or, should you keep your distance and play it cool and hope they'll realize that they still love you?
When dealing with the ‘still in love with my ex’ situation don’t risk humiliation by pouring your heart out to your ex - right before they introduce you to their new love, take things slow and get a lay of the land. This can be done in quite a few ways; you can ask your friends to discreetly ask around about your ex. They can find out if they're seeing anyone or if they've been going to the same places that the two of you used to go (if so, this could be a sign that they're hoping to 'bump' into you. Especially if it's a place they never went before the two of you got together). Just encourage your friends to use discretion. If your friends are the type of people who don't have a real strong grasp on prudence, this may not be the best approach for you to try.
One way to find out if your ex has any feelings for you still is to ask them... again, tactfully. As we discussed above, you don't want to take the chance of being humiliated so instead of coming right out and asking use subtlety to find out. Call them up; say 'hi' ask what they've been up to. It's all very casual and you're not committing to anything, you're just trying to be friendly. It can be hard to take it slow when all you can think is 'I'm still in love with my ex’ but you have to.
When dealing with ‘still in love with my ex’ syndrome, don't start asking them about the people they are seeing. This will either come across as being a cross-examination, or they'll guess your real intentions. Instead just forget that the two of you ever had a past and just be the fun loving, easy going person they fell in love with the first time the two of you got together.
Keep the reminiscing to a minimum unless they bring it up. If they do make a lot of references to the past it's very likely that you've got your answer. If they really didn't still care for you it's not very plausible that they'd keep talking about the past, as a matter of fact, it's not real likely that they would have met you for coffee in the first place.
If they bring it up, or you think that they are receptive, talk about the two of you. Again, if it seems like the right time to do it, tell them that you still care for them. This doesn't necessarily have to be a confession of your undying love; it's not unusual to still care for an ex, so if they react badly you're not on the hook. If they say that they still care for you or that they miss you, it might just be the beginning of act 2 for the two of you!
With a little subtle sleuthing you might just find out that you'll be saying: 'I'm still in love with my ex, and he loves me too!'
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