Restoring Trust in Relationships after an Affair

This is not intended to be a discussion on the Bible, or anything religious, but I'd like to raise a specific point. According to the Bible, there are only two acceptable reasons for divorce, and one of those is a cheating spouse. The point is that unfaithfulness is a serious offence. Conventional perception states that people should split up if one of them has been adulterous. It doesn't have to be that way if both parties are prepared to do what it takes. Restoring trust in relationships isn't easy, but it can be achieved. Here are some ideas on how to make that come about. 

The main thing to keep in mind as you go through the process of restoring trust is that it requires changes in the behaviour and attitudes of both people in the relationship. Even after something as severe as an affair, a relationship can be saved. The key is to start with a little trust, and continue to build on it. 

Before you can start rebuilding trust, you need to take a straightforward look at what went wrong. Our natural inclination is to blame the other person, and they are likely at fault to some extent, but the only person you have total control over is yourself; consequently, you need to get to the root of what you may have done to end the relationship. Once you find the cause of the problem, you can take steps to fix it.

For example, if your partner had an affair, what was it that they were looking for from someone else? What was it that you weren't providing? You will need to improve these things if you want to have a future together. Don't get me wrong, it's never right to deceive, but we are trying to restore a relationship and work on trust. While you can't disengage the past, you can certainly generate a better future.

The next step is to start really gaining some faith again. One of the best things you can do is assume the other person is being truthful. By doing this, you will get trust in return. Of course, that is easy to say, but much harder in practice. So, the trick here is to take tiny steps. Tell your significant other that you will be home by 7:00 PM, and then be home by 7:00 PM (or a little early if at all possible). It doesn't have to be anything big, just start demonstrating your capacity to stick to your word.

Over time, these small steps start to mount up and build on one another. But, you must keep doing it and always follow through on what you say you're going to do. Excuses will not cut it at this point. In fact, if there is any chance, any uncertainty in your mind at all, then it's better to not say anything at all.

Restoring trust in relationships is not an easy undertaking. And the more severe the reason for the lack of trust, the harder it will be to recover it. Keep your focus on trust, and keep taking those small steps, and before you know it, you will be happy once more.

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