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Saturday 1 October 2011

Is Saving Your Marriage Worth It?

It's a fact of life, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Sure, some of them may be wonderful, but perfection is a myth. Now that doesn't mean you shouldn't strive for perfection; for constant improvement, because you should. However, there are also those marriages that are in so much trouble that you have to wonder is saving a marriage worth it.
Maybe you are in such a situation yourself. You have tried reading books about making your marriage better. You have been to a therapist; you have been to a retreat that promised results. You have done all of those things but yet you're wondering if saving the marriage is worth it, or if it's even possible at all.
Don't worry if you are thinking that way, it happens a lot more often than you think. It doesn't make you a bad person. Some people may question whether or not the even care, but here's the thing: the very fact that you are asking such questions is proof that your marriage can be saved, and that it may be worth it.
Before you get too excited, however, you need to talk to your spouse. This will take some preparation. You need to know why you want to turn things around for the better, and be able to explain your feelings in a calm and rational way. It won't be easy, but it will give you the best chance of success.
If things are really bad, your spouse may not be interested in saving the marriage. Can you blame them? After all, what they don't want to save is a bad marriage. In other words, they don't want to save the marriage in the state it's currently in. That makes sense, doesn't it?
So, it stands to reason that the marriage needs to change into one that is worth saving. You already know that it is, but you need to show your spouse that that's the case, too. You can't do this through promises, you can't do it through force; you can only do it by making real changes. Remember, the only person you can change is yourself, so that's where you will have to start.
Once you have started changing yourself, it's time to work on the marriage. This will also take work. You need to treat the marriage with the care and respect it's worthy of. Look for the problem areas and work to get rid of them. Ignoring the problems won't work, so be willing to face them head on.
Make changes for the positive, and over time your spouse will notice. They won't change right away. They may also want to see if the changes you are making are for real, so do your best to stick to them. Do all of these things and the next time you ask if saving your marriage is worth it, you can answer with a great big "Yes!"
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