Overcoming Jealousy and Dealing with Jealousy in a Relationship

Overcoming jealousy and dealing with jealousy in a relationship is a lot easier when you understand why it’s happening. In this article I will attempt to explain why it’s happening and how to deal with it.

First of all… you should know that jealousy is a normal emotion. Even Freud states that a person would be abnormal if they didn’t experience jealousy at some stage in their life. Freud compares it to bereavement in as much as it would be abnormal for someone to not grieve when someone they care about dies. Jealousy is the same in as much as it would be a bit strange if you didn’t care whether the person you loved shared intimacy with you or someone else.

Now I know what you are going to say… people in open relationships share each other momentarily with other sexual partners. This is done with consent and of course is not the norm. Swingers as we call them in the UK make up only a fraction of the population and they see the sex they have with others as just that… sex. Not intimacy or love. When we are jealous it’s because we are afraid of losing the love of a person, because we want to be the centre of their world and when it appears that we are not, we feel insecure and this leads to jealousy.

The levels of jealousy will ultimately depend on how insecure you are and this is, according to Freud governed by your childhood. If you were constantly let down as a child… subconsciously you will assume that it is going to happen all the time as an adult. If on the other hand you had a stable and loving childhood where nothing nasty happened and your parents always did as they promised… your subconscious will assume most people can be trusted.

Overcoming jealousy is about overcoming your own insecurities and controlling the demons your childhood created in your subconscious. The easy way to deal with the green eyed monster is to not care at all. Some people can do this and it shows in their relationships. They prefer not to give too much of themselves in case they get hurt. This causes a lot of relationships to collapse over time. Men are particularly good at this and can get away with it because of the macho stance that is almost expected by society.

It is a lot harder for women to take this stance as women are more caring by nature. This is evolution and dates back to early mankind as the woman had to care and protect the young sometimes from the men. Women are of course more affectionate, even to one another than men are. Women have no problem cuddling their mates but men have to be at a sports event or drunk to do the same… although this is changing in the 21^st century.

Take a step back when feeling jealous and analyse whether you are being reasonable. Your partner just talking to someone who is attractive is not a reason to be jealous. So many people who are insecure react on very little evidence. Unless you have concrete evidence of an affair… put all jealous thoughts out of your mind. Don’t check emails, don’t check texts or your partners smart phone, this will not help you. You could miss understand a text or email and cause a massive problem in your relationship when there was a perfectly logical explanation.

As you go through life you will have to deal with many trials and tribulations. The average person has three major relationships in their lives and we never quite know what life has in store for us. Don’t try and control it… because you can’t… so enjoy the time you have together and don’t be melodramatic or let your insecurities spoil your life. Concentrate on making the one you love happier than anyone else could ever do and you will have a long and happy relationship.

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