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Tuesday 14 June 2011

My Husband is having an Affair What Do I Do?

Sadly many women find themselves in this situation and as crossroads in your life go... this is about as serious as it gets. How you deal with your husband having an affair and what you do next, depends on your circumstances and your strength of character.
We always find out more about ourselves in times of trouble. You are of course feeling hurt and your ego has taken a massive blow, but at this time you have to remember that in most cases it isn’t your fault. Men have affairs for many reasons and it isn’t always just sex as men can sometimes be as emotionally complex as women. From an early age men are encouraged to be strong and society frowns on men showing their emotions even today and in most cultures around the world. It is difficult for men to deal with emotional noise.
In most cases men have affairs because their ego needs massaging and this can be because of a dreadful childhood or a previous relationship with someone that made them feel useless. Unfortunately, when we begin a relationship it’s not just with that person but with every experience they have had. For a man to settle down and stay faithful to one person he has to be in a place mentally where any previous anxieties or insecurities due to being made to feel useless have been resolved. He needs to be at peace with himself, confident and emotionally strong and usually this is taken care of in a man’s teens or early twenties. The problem arises when these things haven’t been worked through in adolescences.
If your husband didn’t sort these emotional issues out before he met you... you will always struggle to make him happy until he is at peace with himself. You have to remember that this is his problem and his issues and there is very little you can do so don’t take what has happened to you personally. If he is still needing to massage his ego, no matter how hard you try, you will never be enough... no one would!
So your husband is having an affair what do you do? Firstly, you need to concentrate on you... especially if you have children and you need to decide on whether you are willing to forgive and give him another chance or not. If he isn’t completely at peace with himself and feels the need to massage his ego he will fall prey to any woman that flirts with him or makes an advance towards him and sadly there are women out there with ego issues of their own that love to prey on men that are vulnerable.
To win your husband back and stop him from having affairs in the future you need to be able to sort out those issues he has, and you need to be able to massage his ego to the point where he doesn’t want or need anyone else. So you need to ask yourself... can you do that. Do you even want to do that? We fall in love because of how a person makes us feel, can you make him feel fantastic again, does he make you feel fantastic? If neither of these things is achievable you really have no alternative but to move on.
If you feel you could make your husband feel good about himself and you would be happier with him than without him there are many books and video courses that can teach you how to work through these issues. Just bear in mind that you can’t live a happy life with miss trust and insecurity so only embark on this healing process if you feel you will be able to trust him in the future once you have worked through his issues.

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